


Little by little

by Esli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Anime Spoilers, Canon Universe, F/M, Falling In Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-08-31 23:04:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20248120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esli/pseuds/Esli
Summary: It's not really a love at first sight story... but a few days is enough 😊





	1. The party

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my English mistakes 😌
> 
> It takes place after Shiganshina's battle.

“Out. Now.”

Like if this evening wasn’t already a pain in the ass, that… pig had to make things worse. Levi had enough of this. This stupid, pointless, boring, irritating party. Why were the SC even invited ? Talking to rich fat assholes, dancing, listening to garbage. That’s not what Levi had signed for. That was why he had decided to not do any of those idiocies. Erwin used to be the one doing that. He was just hoping that Hanji was getting by with scaring them talking about her titan experiments.

Because apparently Levi’s new job was to keep an eye on the brats. Between the loud one ready to scream “cowards” to everyone, the monkey one having fun at pranking his comrades and the cold one about to kill whoever might touch her Eren, he didn’t need a pig eating all of the buffet.

“Close the door behind you.” Levi hoped the balcony's door was well isolated. He was not going to shout but it wouldn’t be a sweet talk.

“I’m sorry sir, I tried to control myself but…” Sasha managed to pronounce.

“You obviously didn’t try enough. What are you exactly ? Clearly not human after what I just saw. You’re lucky Connie came to find me. You do know you bit him right ?”

Levi understood she didn’t when he saw her eyes widening in shock.

“I… bit him ?”

“Yeah, you’re lucky it was your boyfriend and not one of those rich assholes.”

Sasha suddenly looked at her Captain in the eyes. “He’s not- Connie’s not my boyfriend sir ! He’s just my best-”.

Levi cut her with a move of his hand. Whatever was happening between the brats was none of his business and mostly, he wasn’t interested.

“I don’t give a shit about that. What I need to know is if you’re gonna keep ridiculing the SC or if I have to lock you up like an animal ?”

The girl remained silent. Fuck. What the actual fuck ? He really had to do that ?

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You think you’re not able to handle yourself one more shitty hour here ? How can you even still swallow something after that massacre ?” Levi groaned.

She just bit her lip in response. Great. What now ? He couldn’t actually lock her up, it was just a fucking joke ! Or… could he ? … No. He had to find something else.

“Tch. I want you to stay at my sight until the end of this abomination. We’ll try to stay far away from any food. I hope my presence will be enough to dissuade you otherwise.”

With a salute, Sasha accepted the conditions. Levi glanced at the door. Damn he really didn’t want to go back in there. Then he looked at the view they had from the balcony. Beautiful stars.

“Let’s stay here until Hanji comes to scold me.”

“Here ? Outside ?” the girl said scared.

“Yeah, problem with that ?” 

“Hum… no sir, it’s fine.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at her. Something was clearly not _fine_. Was it because she wanted to go back to see her boyfriend ? Or just because she felt uncomfortable in his presence ? Whatever. She would have to do with it. With him. Levi knew he was not the best company but… Anyway, she was not in a position to complain. 

Sasha leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. She knew she would stay there for a while. Levi went to put a hand on the guardrail. It felt good to take some fresh air. Well the best part was still to avoid those shitty people. And the door _was_ well isolated, since the only think he could hear was Stohess's distant agitation. And a sigh.

Levi glanced at her. She had her eyes shut, her eyebrows frowning and her fingers grabbing tightly her arms. Was it such a pain to be stuck here with him ?

He was staring at the stars when he heard a whine. What the fuck was wrong with her ? She could have some manners, show some respect. Yes she had to stay alone with him but still-

She whined again. But that time, Levi finally understood.

“Here.”

Sasha opened her eyes.

“Is it your…”

“Yes it’s my jacket. Put it on.”

“But… you’ll be cold.”

“I’m not the one wearing a sleeveless dress. Just fucking take it.”

As she raised her shaky arm to grasp it, Levi had a terrible realization.

“Wait. Show me your hands.”

He saw first surprise on her face and then scare. Just as he had feared, her hands were full of every kind of food, which was-

“Fucking disgusting” let slip Levi.

“I’m sorry.” Sasha mumbled before trembling from the cold.

No. Levi was not doing this. Putting his jacket on her shoulders was out of the question. What the hell was this whole situation anyway ? It was like someone was trying to make them share a fucking romantic moment. Levi didn’t enjoy this. So instead he gave her a handkerchief. As soon as she finished to wipe her hands she took the jacket, too cold to hesitate now.

Levi turned around to go back at the balustrade.

“Damn !”

He looked over his shoulder and saw a panicked Sasha not knowing what to do with a clearly too small jacket. Of fucking course it was too small ! Levi hated to be reminded his height. He was not short. He just wasn't tall. Average.

“Just put it on your shoulders.” he grumbled.

Levi sat casually on the guardrail. He was a little cold with only his shirt now and it made him realize how uncomfortable the pig must have felt with bare shoulders. 

He looked at three teenagers having fun dancing down the street. They didn’t even have music. Why would they dance without music ? There were really weird people inside Wall Sina.

A silhouette appearing to his left pulled him out of his thoughts. The jacket held good on her shoulders despite the size. Putting her hands on the guardrail demonstrated that she could move her arms freely without dropping it.

“Captain, when Hanji will come and we’ll have to go back…” Sasha said, her eyes fixed on her hands. “… can I… Nevermind. Forget it sir.”.

Oh no, no, no. She wasn’t doing this to Levi ! He hated that. Why people were doing such a thing in the first place ? If you can't finish a question, than don’t fucking start it !

“What ? Can you eat something ?”

“No… Can I keep your jacket until the end of the party ?”

“Hah ?”

That. What was that ? Did she have a crush on him or something ? Fucking awesome. An in love teenager. 

“Why ? Do you like the smell or other stupid bullshit ?”

“What ?! No sir ! I mean not ‘no’ I don’t like the smell but ‘no’ it’s not that !” she panicked.

“Then what ?”

“There are… clingy people in there. I thought that by wearing a man’s jacket, they will let me be. They’re really annoying and persistent.”

Levi hadn’t seen that one coming. People were actually interested in her ? Had they seen her eating the whole buffet ? Clearly not. 

“No. I’m sure you can handle. You’re in the SC, you know hand-to-hand combat. You don’t need a jacket.”

“B-but I can’t punch them Captain ! You told us to behave !”

Levi sighed. She made a point.

“Then stay with Hanji. She usually keeps people away.”

“I keep people away ?”

Levi turned around to discover an irritated Hanji. She had come earlier than he had thought.

The Commander looked at Levi in shirt and then at Sasha covered with a small jacket. “Am I interrupting something ?”

He replied with a cold ‘no’ and took back the jacket. He put it on and went back inside after whispering to Hanji : “Look out for her.”


	2. Observe and judge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : allusion to suicide.

For how long Levi had slept ? It was already dawn. He was used to wake up before. Well, he had been exhausted by that party, specially by those shitty brats. The only one who had stayed out of trouble was Armin. The boy must had lived a tough night surrounded by those judging crows. Levi knew because he had spent most of his time stopping Eren to punch someone for making a comment about his salvation. About Levi's choice.

He sighed. Choices... Sometimes he'd like to let them to someone else. Not being responsible for anything anymore.

That's when he remembered. His dream :

_ Levi was on the balcony, watching himself down the street having fun with Isabel and Farlan. They were happy until... the female titan appeared. She was destroying the whole city again. And Levi heard sobbing behind him. He turned around and saw Sasha's hands covered in blood. She was whining "I'm sorry" again and again and again... Until she was suddenly standing on the guardrail. Levi tried to stop her but she... jumped..._

Whatever. Just a dream. He had seen worse.

Levi got up and started his morning routine. He was lucky he had his own bathroom. It was a privileged only Hanji and him had. The brats had to share a common one. At least this time they had their own bedroom so they wouldn't complain. This was surely a MP residence and the scouts weren't used to live in such a fancy place. There wasn't any MP soldier though. Just them. That was probably for the best.

The habitation was L-shaped with a closed yard. It was situated in the middle of Stohess. The city had been fixed quickly and you couldn't guess a titan fight had occured here only months ago.

When Levi went down the stairs he heard some voices in the mess hall. It was still early in the morning, specially when they didn't have any plans until the afternoon.

"Actually the difference is mostly macroscopic. Really, when you observe the two in a microscope, it's difficult to determine which is which !"

"But it's strange that the walls don't shine like the cristals."

Great. Hanji and Armin. This promised a perfect talk to start a shitty day. Levi sat next to the boy.

"Good morning Captain !"

"Ah Levi ! You're late today ! Is it the good mattress that made you sleep well ? Or... having a new girlfriend ? "

What the fuck was she talking about ? Girlfriend ? She had never made that kind of joke.

Armin widened his eyes, "Girlfriend ?".

"Tch, don't listen to her."

Hanji smirked, “Oh but I saw you two having quite a moment on the balcony yesterday !”.

What ? She couldn't possibly be serious here. If Levi even wanted to date someone he would at least choose a human being.

“Something happened between the Captain and Sasha ?!”

Damn, how could this kid know it was about Sasha ? The word 'balcony' had been enough for him ?

“Nothing. Hanji is talking non sense. As usual.”

“You lent her your jacket !”

“And so ? It was freezing. Her shoulders were bare. I’m not coldhearted.”

Hanji made a thoughtful humming. Was it really something to think about ? Just let Levi have a peaceful morning for once.

“Raaah ! I got my hopes up ! I thought she was denying it but maybe nothing really happened. I was so excited for this... I even put you on patrol together in the main square this afternoon”.

“Tch.”

Well that was fucking perfect. Because being stuck with her yesterday hadn’t been enough apparently. Levi got up to make some tea in the kitchen. When he came back with the tray, Connie and Eren had joined them. Levi put the tea on the table and sat to listen what they were gushing about.

“How do you even know how to waltz Eren ?!” Connie shouted.

The boy shrugged : “My mom showed me when I was a kid. I guess I never forgot.”

“I know why you truly still remember ! You have been practicing in secret all of these years ! Armin, tell us, you must know that !”

Eren was gaping and Armin shoke his head vigorously.

“I never saw him dance until yesterday ! I swear !”

Hanji laughed, saying she didn’t believe the blond. “I saw you dance with Historia, Eren. Your moves were perfect. There’s no way you haven’t been practicing !”

“He looked like a King !”.

Connie’s joke made the other brat blush. Seriously, he was an open book. How could you be so unable to control your emotions ? Hiding your feelings wasn’t that complicated. Stupid.

“HE’S ALL RED !!!”

And shitty eyes got excited. She grabbed the boy’s hands and bombarded him with questions, each one more embarrassing than the last. It became louder with Connie’s laugh and Armin begging her to stop.

That’s how Levi left them. He went back to his room and sat on the bed.

What now ? He wasn’t used to have free time like this. He could almost miss writing reports. Almost. He got up and checked if he had correctly done the cleaning. He had done a perfect job with the window. It looked like there wasn’t any glass. He could see clearly the little yard. Two silhouettes drew his attention. The monkey and the pig. Doing... What the fuck was that ? Fighting poses ? No. No one would ever fight like that.

Levi kept watching them for a while. They were stupid brats and it was quite... amusing. It’s not like he had something else to do anyway.

So apparently, they were not dating. It looked pretty like it though. She probably was just in denial. Or maybe she was afraid they were not allowed to. They had gotten lucky they had found each other. Levi didn’t know if anyone else in this world would consently date one of these two... Well, who was he to judge ? He had never understood a thing at those stupidities anyway. Maybe they would make nice partners but all Levi could see was that they were good but loud soldiers.

He looked up and a movement caught his eye. He saw Mikasa training hand-to-hand combat alone in her room. Damn. He should have done that. That was a smart time killer. But now he was clean and dressed. Tomorrow he would do that.

Wrong. She had lowered her guard doing a snap kick. He had told her that. Did she even listen to him ? Levi sighed. She was still the best of the brats in combat. Maybe it would be nice to train with her tomorrow morning.

Finally Levi read some book about 3DMG and he unexpectedly discovered some stuff.

Lunch went fine, despite the food. Who the fuck had cooked that ? Hanji had probably been part of it. Levi only knew when it was his turn to cook. He was doing it alone though. Everytime he had been paired for making the meal, it hadn’t ended well.

And very quickly he was there. At the main square. With the pig. Levi just hoped she wouldn’t be in the mood to talk.


	3. The main square

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter...

“Sir ? On what should we be keeping an eye ?”

That really was a relevant question. Levi had no clue. He suspected their presence was just a way to make Stohess citizens look a bit less unfavorably on the SC. Apparently, taking back Wall Maria wasn’t enough. What a joke.

Well they _did_ destroyed the district and caused a lot of citizen deaths...

“Troublemakers.”

Sasha made a little humming in acknowledgment and scanned the crowd. There was a... weird... festival. What were they celebrating ? No idea. Sina citizens always found something to celebrate anyway.

“How about these two boys pushing that little girl over there ?” she asked, pointing at the corner of the square.

“We’re soldiers. Not kindergarten teachers. Let it be.”

Levi, still leaning on the wall, saw out of the corner of his eye her furrowed brow. The answer clearly didn’t please Sasha and she kept staring at the three kids. A few seconds passed before she suddenly ran in their direction.

What the fuck ? They were kids. That’s how kids spend their time. Was it really worth it to not follow her Captain’s orders ?

Levi watched her. She went in the boys’ way, protecting the little girl. She stood straight. Levi guessed she gave them a dirty look when they ran away. Not bad.

Then she turned around and Levi could see her face again. As she kneeled to the girl she gave her a cute smile... A _cute_ smile ?

He looked away, chasing that weird thought. Now that he was alone, people noticed him more.

“I know him, he’s famous right ?”

“It’s him ! Captain Levi !”

“Humanity’s Strongest !”

Fuck off. 

“He’s scary...”

Well yeah idiots, he had to in order to keep them the fuck away.

“He’s shorter than I thought.”

Now Levi was going to strangle someone. He looked back at Sasha to distract himself. She wasn’t there anymore. Where the fuck that girl went ? Scanning the place, he finally found her talking to a couple. The kid’s parents. She fucking had searched for them. The little girl was clinging to her mother’s leg.

It took Sasha five long minutes to come back. She stopped in front of Levi, trying to face him bravely.

“I know I disobeyed Captain, but honestly, I’m not sorry I did.”

Wow. That was unexpected. She almost made Levi feel ashamed of himself. But in a way, he was mostly proud. He liked that kind of soldier.

“What an efficient way to redeem yourself Sasha. Now I’ll let you in charge of all the squabbling kids.”

She didn’t answer and took back her place next to him, facing the main square again. Her attention got caught by two men chatting and glancing at her.

Levi took a look at her expression. Embarrassed. He couldn’t hear the men’s talk but apparently she could. That girl had some hearing. It had turned out to be helpful when they had to remain incognito in the woods.

“Sir, since we have our 3DMG, wouldn’t it be better to surveil the square from the rooftops ?”

Levi looked up.

“We may have a better view.” she added.

That... wasn’t a bad idea. It would spare him the indiscreet chatting. Spare _them_ apparently. The men were still looking at her, and now glancing at Levi too. But the real mission was not to see but to be seen. Fuck. He’d like to go to the rooftops. That made him hesitate. By looking at the building, he spotted a huge crack in a wall... Right.

“No. We’re staying here.”

“... Okay sir.”

It almost sounded like a moan. Fuck. He slightly rose his chin and gave a dark look at the two men. A second was enough to make them walk away. She could have done that herself. Honestly.

“Hum... Thank you sir.” she mumbled.

What ? She saw that ? She clearly had some hidden talents. Good hearing, good sight and... good stealthy moves. Who really was that girl ? He had read her military file at some point but like the others, he forgot all about it.

“Where are you from Sasha ?”

She must have felt disconcerted because it took her a few seconds to answer.

“Dauper sir. It’s a village in the moutains of south of Wall Rose.”

Mountains... Levi sucked at deducing stuff from little information. Maybe he was frowning slightly because she spoke again.

“It’s a village of hunters. Inside the forest. It’s not small but there are not a lot of inhabitants.”

Levi made a meditative sound. Hunters. That explained a lot. Mostly her archery skills. He never had seen a soldier use a bow before her. That’s why she was good on guard duty too. She knew how to pay attention to her surroundings. And finally... her freaking starvation for meat.

The memory made him feel sick. That girl was a monster. Or more correctly, she turned into a monster at the sight of food. He still had the marks of her bites on his left forearm.

“It’s the Wind Dance !”

Levi looked at the crowd. They were doing weird moves and spinning together. They looked ridiculous. Sasha didn’t appear to share the thought because she was getting excited at the sight. She looked like four-eyes.

“Jean showed Connie and me how to dance it ! It’s really funny !” she exclaimed. “It’s not really complicated.”

“No.”

She took her eyes off the dancing people. 

“But you’ll like it !”

HAH ? _Levi_ will like it ?! The ‘no’ wasn’t meant for that ! He thought she would ask him if _she_ could go. Not if _they_ could go.

“Do I look like a dancing person ?”

She scanned him. She fucking scanned him ! Like if she had to think about it ! No. Levi was not a dancing person. Anybody with some common sense would had got that in a heartbeat.

“Well... honestly... I think so.”

Levi stood up on his feet to face her, arms crossed. The thought of someone picturing him dance made him angry. He glared at her, not knowing what to say how the situation was fucking unbelievable. No one had ever told him that. He obviously overestimated her observation skills.

“Have you ever danced ?” the girl dared to ask.

Levi had never tried to dance but he didn’t need to. Dancing was stupid. Useless. And yeah : ridiculous. He would never dance. That was it.

“No.”

After a few moments of hesitation, Sasha offered her hand.

What ?

WHAT ?

That pig had some mental issues.

Levi smacked the hand away. _Fuck off_. She looked at him with round eyes. Did he say those words out loud ? He examined her quickly. Yes he did.

“Go. But fucking leave me out of this.”

“B-but it’s danced in pairs...”

“I doubt you’ll have trouble finding someone interested.”

Now she was gaping. Maybe he went a little too far here. But Levi was pissed. All he wanted was some space right now. As if she read his mind, she left him to go to the crowd.

... Shit.

Levi leaned back on the wall, shoulders tight, arms crossed, frowning, looking away. What a stupid girl.

He glanced at the crowd. He didn’t spot her. Whatever. It wasn't his problem. She could do whatever she wanted. Like if her Captain could control her anymore.

He glanced a second time. Still unlocated. She was a fucking pain. They were supposed to patrol together. Thinking about it, he realized they thoughtlessly had decided not to go walking around. They just found a nice shady place to station themselves. But now maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to go around. It would calm Levi’s nerves.

As he started to walk he wondered why he was even angry. Was it really because she pictured him dancing ? Because she wanted to dance with him ? Probably. What was even entertaining in dancing ? It’s just... stupidly losing useful energy. 

What if he had said ‘yes’ though ? What would have happened ? He stopped as the sudden visualization of Sasha’s smile. What the fuck. What the fuck brain ? He needed more sleep. But yet he slept well last night. Shut up, he just fucking needed more sleep. He got back to walking.

For the last time he decided to take a look at the dancing people. After a few seconds he spotted the two men who were eyeing her up earlier. At least she was not dancing with those assholes. But it didn’t matter anyway. She was free to do whatever. Levi didn’t care. He should move on and think of something else.

Levi glared at whoever came nearby him. That wasn’t exactly good for the actual purpose of this patrol. Fuck. If these people hated the SC, so be it ! It’s not his job to make a good, sweet and false impression ! The scouts are all insane anyway ! Levi tensed even more at the reminding that ‘all’ didn’t mean a lot nowadays.

On top of that, he felt like Sasha was a dust bunny in his room : he could feel her presence even by looking away. Not the _relaxing_ presence type. More like a heavy dark mass staring at you.

A man almost bumped into him and he suddenly realized where he were standing. He had had the wrong impression of walking alongside the walls : in fact he was right next to the dancing area. He heard a familiar laugh and looked at the direction of the sound.

She was there, smiling and chuckling. She looked down to grab small hands and move them in rhythm. Sasha was with the little girl. She looked... happy. 

Levi continued his walk. Good for her. She’d better enjoy it actually because she would get scolded for her attitude to her superior in not so long. First she... What did she do ? She actually did nothing reprehensible. In fact, Levi was the one who had insulted her.

Enough thinking of that. Levi seriously had to move on to something else. How about thinking about this morning ? ... So Eren was apparently in love with the Queen. That was smart brat. You couldn’t have chosen someone else ? People seemed to always pick the wrong person. Besides, the guy fucking knew Historia liked that other girl... titan girl... whatever her name. Well maybe he had his chance now that she left the walls.

Levi finally arrived at the original shady place. He leaned on the wall like earlier and waited for Sasha to come back. She didn’t take more than a minute and they finished their guard duty in silence.


	4. Moonlight

Levi woke up with a start. He looked around and recognized his room. Still alerted, he jumped when he heard someone shout outside. He peered at the window and saw some lights in the distance. Right. He was in Stohess. It was probably just a drunk in the streets.

He got up and realized he was a little sweaty. Gross. He should take a shower. Looking through the window remembered him he had a hand-to-hand combat training with Mikasa. So… maybe he should wait for the shower ? But could he wait that long ? What time was it anyway ? 2 or maybe 3am ?

His thoughts were broken at the sight of a lantern in the yard. It was put down next to the only small tree. Not very safe.

Levi put sportswear on and went down the stairs quickly. This was curious. Who brought that lantern there ? It must be someone in the SC, they were the only ones residing here. When he finally reached his destination, he was frozen by confusion.

Still that girl. Why the holy fuck was she sleeping on that bench, outside ? She was curled up in a blanket. Only her head was poking out. Her hair down covering her neck. Her nose hidden under the cloth. Her red and puffy eyelids closed. She had… _cried_. Because of Levi ? No. Of course not. At least he hoped it was not. She had looked okay in the evening and- And why the hell would she cry over him ? It had to be something else.

Now Levi didn’t know what to do. Should he wake her up ? Let her here ? He wouldn’t call this bench a comfortable place to sleep. He looked around like he could find the solution in the darkness surrounding them.

Why was this girl always under his feet these days ? She only caused headaches. He kneeled to look closer at her face. She seemed in pain. Physical or mental pain ? For coming here surely a mental one, by staying here surely a physical one. Levi sighed when he made his mind.

“Sasha… Sasha wake up.” he poked her shoulder.

She slowly opened her eyes. Well, tried to because they weren’t in shape to do it entirely. When she managed to saw him she frowned.

“Cagh-” she growled before clearing her throat. “Captain ?”

“You shouldn’t be sleeping here.”

She sat up and stared at the tree next to them.

“Right…”

Levi got back on his feet.

“Can you fucking explain ? Don’t you have a room ? You know, with a bed ?”

Sasha looked at him. These _after crying eyes_ were heart-rending and Levi let slide a concerned :

“Should I carry you ?”

Her blinking made him realized what he just said. What the fuck was Levi doing ? He clearly had a problem these days. Anyway, he needed to put things right. He looked for something to add to turn this weird line into a shitty joke but he couldn’t find anything. Sasha broke the silence.

“Yes.”

What ? Did she just fucking say ’_yes_’ ?! Shitty girl ! Levi wouldn’t actually carry her. He said that just because she… she…

“Don’t make that face Captain. I was just kidding.”

He had heard funnier jokes. The timing was okay but the expression wasn’t… _amused_.

“Then make it more obvious when you’re joking.”

She only looked away in response.

“Come on. Get up.”

“To go where ?”

Huh ? How about anywhere but here ? Wow. That girl was the weirdest. And Levi had seen a lot of weird people in his life.

“It’s up to you. You can either go back to bed, you know, the thing with a mattress ? Or you can have a little talk with me about this over a cup of tea. Knowing that either way, we’re gonna have that talk sooner or later.”

* * *

She blew softly on her drink. It looked like it wasn’t exactly an attempt to cool it down but rather an attempt to show some indifference to this clearly stressful situation.

Levi had been staring at her for five minutes now and she still hadn’t said a fucking word. Still, he wanted her to be the first one to talk. To take the initiative when she felt ready. But damn, he didn’t want to spend the rest of the night in this uncomfortable atmosphere.

It took him some time but he finally thought of the perfect idea. When he got up and went to the kitchen, Sasha kept his eyes on him. Probably wondering if he had abandoned. If he lost patience.

But then she saw him coming back in the mess hall with a box and her eyebrows rose. Holy fuck she had some sharpened senses !

“Help yourself” Levi said as he put it on the table and sat back in front of her.

He certainly didn’t need to tell her twice. She was already savoring one of the lemon biscuits. Levi stared at her new expression. Contentment was written all over her face. It was like the last awkward five minutes had never happened.

Before she could grab an other biscuit, Levi closed the box. She looked first at his hand firmly barricading the food and then at his eyes. He gave her a ’_now fucking talk_’ look.

“I like trees.”

Levi slowly closed his eyes. How ? How could she still surprise him by her stupidities ? She liked trees ? That’s why she went to sleep outside in the cold ? To go hug a fucking tree ?

“Like I told you this afternoon, I come from the forest. I just tend to miss it. Specially here. So when I… had like a breakdown in my bed, I took my blanket and just… went to sleep next to the tree. It felt good.”

Okay that made more sense. She wasn’t really crying because _she liked trees_.

“Why did you feel bad in the first place ?”

She rose an eyebrow like the answer was obvious. What did she mean ?

“I’m in the Survey Corps, Captain. Tell me a reason not to cry.”

All of a sudden Levi felt the urge to know about all she had been through. He wanted her to tell him how she lived Trost, the 57th, Stohess, Shiganshina… Everything. Even the Training Corps. But why ? Why was he eager to know that ? Thinking about it, maybe it would do her some good to put into words those events.

“I can’t tell you such a reason if I don’t even know what you’ve been through.”

Now she was highly surprised. She stared at him with her big golden eyes and Levi looked away.

“You know what happened to me Captain. You came in Trost, were in Stohess, heard about Eren’s kidnapping and then… I was in your squad. You already know what I’ve been through.”

She didn’t make it easy. Levi got irritated. He had trouble to answer her. Such a difficulty was very rare for the man.

“I don’t know your point of view.”

She slammed her fists on the table. Levi looked back at her as she was shouting with eyes firmly closed :

“It doesn’t matter how I lived all of this ! It doesn’t change anything ! It. Doesn’t. MATTER !”

What the fuck was that ? He had never seen her angry. No, that wasn’t even anger. Levi had trouble to keep a straight face when he saw water running down her cheeks.

Frustration.

“No, you’re right Sasha. It won’t change what happened. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to talk about it. No one will blame you for it.”

She opened her tearful eyes and stared at him.

“Why won’t you start by explaining why you chose to join the army in the first place ?” Levi suggested as he freed the box from his hand.

She took a biscuit but didn’t eat it straight away. Instead she murmured :

“I had a fight with my dad.”

She eyed Levi hesitantly. 

“Not… your family’s type of fight though…”

Levi let slide a chuckle. That was funny. Sasha and him exchanged a look. She seemed surprised but pleased by his reaction. They stared at each other for a moment. It wasn’t uncomfortable. The moonlight was shining the water in her eyelashes, the amber of her iris. It was beautiful and Levi felt strange when she broke the eye contact.

“So, we had a fight…” she started again.


	5. You can't fool me

For two hours she had been telling her story. She had told him her moments of shock...

“Jean told us he had found his corpse.”

... defeat...

“It turned around and I apologized to it. Begging for mercy. To a titan...”

... panic...

“I dropped the red flare ammo !”

... bravery...

“So I took the last arrow with one hand and threw the bow away.”

... happiness...

“Hanji-san gave me a potato to thank me !”

Levi had smile at that. He couldn’t have helped it. All along he had been listening to her with care. Sometimes he had interrupted her to ask for clarification...

“What do you mean by ‘a cooking contest’ ?”

... scold her...

“I fucking hope you never stole any other food since.”

... compliment her...

“Not bad.”

... complete her...

“You told us to shut up. Hanji laughed.”

She had cried several times and Levi had once put his hand on her head to comfort her. Now she felt better, well at least she looked like it. Levi felt worse though. He was surprised by all she had been through. He hadn’t expected such... tragic events. 

“-well after Shiganshina, nothing special really happened. I was still in a too bad shape to even do MP stuff.” she concluded.

Sasha took another biscuit. The box was almost empty now. But Levi didn’t mind. She was enjoying it better then he would have. At some point they had taken a break to make more tea, so he was satisfied. At the thought, he took another sip.

Sasha eyed him while he was doing so. He had a bad feeling about this. When he put down his teacup she looked at hers. Was it empty ? No, there still was some tea left. When she grabbed it he fucking understood.

How dared she ? Imitating him like that ! He was shocked. She had some guts. When she finished the shitty performance she smiled at him.

“Sorry, I got curious.”

“You think I’m a fucking clown or what ?! I’m not here to entertain you !”

“... I spotted you yesterday. You were watching Connie and I practicing our ninja poses. So right back at you sir !”

_Nin-what_ ? What the fuck was she talking about ?

“You know, ninja poses...” she said before making a ridiculous scream and raising her arms in a weird attacking posture.

Oh that. It was even more amusing up close. Her serious and _terrific_ expression was just hilarious. And what the hell were those arms ? She even put her hands like... claws. He wished he could see that everyday.

“See ! You’re making fun of me again !”

“Hah ?”

Levi hadn’t smile ! He was very sure about that. Had she read his mind or something ? Or she had guessed ?

“That little sparkle in your eyes. You can’t fool me !”

All of Levi’s amusement was suddenly gone. That girl... How... No one had ever told him he had such a weak point. Was she the only one aware of it ? He fucking hoped so ! Levi was proud of his impassibility. He really didn’t like that _intrusion_.

“Also when you’re joking your voice is slightly different. It’s almost not perceptible so it took me some time but I can finally detect it now !”

WHAT ?

“For example : ‘_Do I have to lock you up like an animal ?_’ That was a joke.”

She just... had to stop it. For fuck’s sake, she had to stop that.

“But ‘_Should I carry you ?_’ That was not a joke.”

“Shut the fuck up Sasha !!”

She froze. Shocked. Well, welcome to the shitty club ! It was like she was telling Levi he couldn’t hide his emotions anymore. Unarmed. Humiliated. Did she get those ones ?

“I’m sorry, I've gone too far.” she whispered.

The memory of _him_ going too far resurfaced. ‘_I doubt you’ll have trouble finding someone interested_’. That had been harsh.

“... Whatever.” he finally grumbled.

Levi looked at the window. Dawn. He would soon have to go wake Mikasa up. It had been smart to get dressed for the training. He didn’t have to go back to his room now.

“I’m gonna take a shower...”

Sasha got up. She obviously was blaming herself. She stared at her blanket on the chair next to her.

“I’ll bring it back to your room.”

Levi wanted to save her a detour as an apology. She could go straight to the shared bathroom that way.

“Thank you... sir.”

She left the room and Levi sighed. What a night. He cleared and cleaned the table. Then he took the blanket and went upstairs. It was only the second time he came in that part of the residence. It was the brats’. They all must still be sleeping at this hour. Except Sasha of course.

He stopped at the third door on the right, the one Mikasa had told him to and knocked. He heard a noise and then a muffled “I’m coming in a few minutes Captain”. Perfect. He turned around and scanned the hallway. Where the fuck was Sasha’s room ? Shit. He knocked again at the dark-haired girl’s door before asking her.

“The one just on your left sir.”

He thanked her, hoping she wouldn’t get a wrong idea about this.

Levi entered the room. The _chaotic_ room. It looked like Hanji’s but with plants and food instead of books and papers. Where did she get all of that food in the first place ?

He put the blanket on her bed. Levi felt tempted to tidy up a bit but she could come back anytime now. And that would be freaking embarrassing. He left the room.

He was walking back to the stairs when he stopped short at the sight of Sasha. She was only wearing a towel, covering from her breast to the middle of her thighs. Her hair was wet, dropping beats of water on her bare shoulders. He could see the end of her scar on her upper chest.

“Hum Captain…”

He looked up.

“Could you not… ogle me like that ?”

HUH ? _Ogle_ her ? Levi wasn’t ogling her ! He was just… What was he doing actually ? For how long had he been looking at her skin ? HOLY FUCKING GOD. Maybe he was. But he just hadn’t expected to see that… Sasha was a _woman_. For him she always had been a soldier, a pig, a brat. But these legs and upper-

“-chest please ?”

What had she said ? Levi hadn’t heard. He looked up at her eyes and realized he had been staring at her chest. Like a pervert. What was wrong with him ? He never had acted like that. Levi was not like that !

Now Sasha was walking back on the way to her room. She was already behind him before he could look at her expression. Whatever it was, he had to say something before she entered.

“Don’t get any funny ideas.”

He could hear her stop at his words. Good because he needed to fix this. He wouldn't be the pervert of the squad !

“I was just surprised to see that you’re human. I thought you were a pig in disguise.”

The silence was heavy. Levi craved to turn around and see how she was reacting. But his body refused to move.

"I've told you : you can’t fool me.”

Levi’s eyes widened and his face felt really hot. It hadn't worked. She could see right through him. He tried to take a look at her the most discreetly possible.

Sasha was in front of her door, head down. The sight of her shoulder blade almost made him miss her blushing when she put some hairs behind her ear.

Cute.


	6. She got you good

As Sasha closed the door behind her, Mikasa opened hers.

"Why are you red sir ?"

What ? Red ? Levi was not red. What was this nonsense ?

"Your cheeks."

Levi had red cheeks ?! ... So this burning feeling was real. He was... blushing ? He hadn't even known he could.

"I've just run a little to warm-up."

He took off his jacket pretending he was hot.

Mikasa didn't comment and they went to the yard. Levi appreciated her company. Mostly because they both knew the other was okay with silence. It made just things easier.

They began with slow moves to avoid cramps but soon they skipped to the fun parts.

They fought for a while. Levi always won. But she was pretty good. He almost had to stay focus all along. It got him curious.

"Tell me, did someone ever defeat you ? In a hand-to-hand combat ? Besides me."

"Yes."

Really ? Levi was interested. Someone stronger than her... He'd like to fight that person.

"Annie Leonhardt"

Oh.

One of the people he had put on the '_I'd really like to beat them up to death_' list. Now he was even more willing to fight that little [censored].

For the last round, they decided that Mikasa would limit herself to attack and Levi to dodge.

She was making big gestures so it went smoothly for Levi. She had some powerful moves but he was faster.

When he slid behind her after ducking a punch he saw out of the corner of his eye a ponytail.

Sasha ? Was she watching him ? Since when ?

The memory of her blushing came back and he didn't saw Mikasa's roundhouse kick coming right at his jaw.

Fuck.

That hurt.

As he was getting back on his feet he remembered Sasha's presence and felt ashamed. She had a high esteem of his fighting abilities. She must have been disappointed.

"Well Levi ! What happened here ?"

He froze at the realization of his mistake. He felt relieved and at the same time... strangely lonely.

"Mind your own business four-eyes. Or unless you'd like to give it a try ?"

She was holding some books as well as Armin next to her. They probably were going to read and talk about some weird science stuff.

"I think I'll pass thank you. Come in my office when you're done, I have some ointment." she answered before leaving with the blond brat.

Levi touched his left cheek. Ouch. Yes, ointment will be appreciated.

"Are those Sasha's biting marks ?" Mikasa asked.

Huh ?

He looked at his forearm. Tch. How could they last that long ? What a scary monster.

"You can recognize them ?"

"Yes, everyone from the 104th TC can."

If Levi wasn't Levi, he would have smiled. Wild girl.

"Sorry for that kick sir.”

Mikasa apologizing ? To him ? Damn. Their relationship had come a long way.

“I should have dodged that. You’re not hurt right ?”

Levi never truly had attacked her. He didn’t have to. He could control his moves. But he had to make sure. Specially when he was about to go put some ointment to ease his pain.

“No, I’m okay.”

Good. He went to Hanji's office.

“And... stop ! Twenty-three seconds !” she exclaimed.

“That’s more than Eren right ?”

Seriously ? She had to test that ?! Poor Armin.

“Put that knife down four-eyes. Stop playing with his healing ability.”

“I’m not playing. It’s an experiment. And no Armin, you’re faster than Eren.”

Hugh. Who cares ?

“Where’s that ointment ?”

Armin was the one who went to pick it up. He already could quickly find something specific in this office... when even Hanji herself couldn’t.

The amazing boy gave him the preparation and Levi quickly put some on his jaw.

“She got you good !” uselessly commented four-eyes.

Levi told her to close her mouth with all of his gentleness and then left them. 

Time went slowly until they went on top of Wall Sina to do heavy artillery maintenance. These stuff had never been used. The majority of the squad was complaining. That was Garrison stuff. Or MP's. At least there wasn’t a serious atmosphere because it was an easy job and they had all afternoon to do something that could had been done in an hour. 

People could have thought that Levi enjoyed maintenance because of his cleaning and order... appreciation. But no. Boring.

Sometimes he wondered why he needed the danger of death to feel alive. That was fucked up.

“Hey Connie ! Look closely at my salute !”

Levi peeped her. Sasha did the move and now that he payed attention to it, he did find that something was odd. But what ?

“What am I supposed to see ?” asked the bald.

“Rah focus ! Look at my right arm !”

She saluted again and Levi spotted it. It was easy because he saw her from the side.

This salute was kind of sad.

“Still don’t know what you want me to notice.”

She undid her left arm from her back to point at the fist on her chest.

“There. Look closer.”

Was it really necessary to look _that_ close ? To Sasha's breast ? Unless... They _were_ dating.

“My fist. It’s not touching my chest anymore !”

"Sash... This salute is supposed to show we dedicate our heart to humanity. And you, you’re faking it ?!”

What an idiot. She couldn’t help it dumbass. Her unconscious was stopping her arm.

“With my injury, it hurted to salute so I did it cautiously. Now it doesn’t hurt anymore but my body is still scared. Isn’t that cool ?!”

_Cool_ ? That’s how she described it ?

“Yeah… Awesome !!”

Now Levi was mentally facepalming.

“Do it again !”

Tch. Still looking so _close_.

“Levi.”

“_What ?!_”

A wild four-eyes had appeared.

“Why are you angry ?”

Angry ? Levi was not angry ! Fuck off !

“What do you want ?” he grumbled.

“Hey Levi, calm down a little would you ? I just need to tell you something but… it doesn’t look like it’s the right moment.”

“Spill it out.”

" ... Tomorrow night we have to be at an other party."

No. No fucking way. Levi was done with that shit. He’s a scout, not a fucking celebrity they had to show off to the rich people.

“You’ll have to look up for the... _brats_ again.”

Great. Now he was promoted babysitter. Bratsitter.

“Is it _really_ necessary ?”

“Well it’s at Mitras but I think the others would be likely to come this time…”

Huh ? They’d like to come ?! Levi highly doubted that.

“It’s the Queen’s birthday.”

… Shit. They _would_ like to come.

“Alright, when are we leaving ?”

“I think after lunch tomorrow would be enough. We could go there by horses and then get changed over there.”

Damn it. They would waste the whole day for this. It was not like Levi had planned something but… Fuck. We hated those pretentious parties.

“Also Armin and I are going to drag Eren into town.”

What ? Now ?

Hanji smiled at his questioning look.

“He has to buy her something ! I was thinking of a ring but Armin said a bracelet would be better. What do you think ?”

Seriously ? She asked for his opinion ?

“I think jewelry is dumb. And ugly.”

Hanji sighed and Sasha chuckled. Sasha ? Since when was she here ? She was looking at him amusingly.

Fuck. Levi didn’t really find jewels ugly.


	7. Choices

He stared at her.

Sasha Braus, from Dauper.

Sasha.

That person was becoming special to Levi. He could feel it. He was getting attached to her.

He sometimes tried to picture her reaction to some things he could tell her. Jokes, stories, compliments. He wanted to talk to her. Like she had talked to him last night.

Sasha looked away. Levi had been staring at her for a moment now and he was glad Hanji had left so that she wouldn't make a stupid comment about it. She once had thought they were dating... Levi didn't feel it like an insult now. He was actually flattered. In only what ? Two days ? He had discovered who Sasha really was. A hunter. A forest lover. A fighter. A woman. And mostly, the one that he couldn't fool.

She looked back at him. Levi suddenly wanted to try something. He was eager to see her reaction. Would she step back ? Turn around ? Freeze ? Frown ? Smile ? Laugh ? He wanted to know. He wanted to see.

Levi was sitting on some wooden crates and she was on her feet, on his right, staring at him. It was perfect.

As he was looking into her eyes, he rose an eyebrow and made a wry smile.

Sasha's reaction was amusing. She had slightly widened her eyes and looked... disconcerted.

There’s something else he wanted to try but... Would it be alright with Connie ? It could be misinterpreted. 

Fuck it. It wasn’t like Levi was a threat.

He winked at her.

Sasha's jaw tensed and...

That was cute.

So cute.

She was just the cutest.

She was blushing and this time, right in front of him. He enjoyed the sight as much as possible because he knew that she would soon turn around to hide her face. He didn't know how but he knew it.

She did.

“I don’t see anything guys.” Floch said.

Levi looked over his shoulder. Jean and Connie were pointing at something below. The three of them were at the edge of the Wall. Levi had a bad feeling about this.

“Really I don’t see-”

Jean and Connie had pushed him into Stohess. Stupid brats. That was dangerous as fuck.

But Floch’s scream was kind of... amusing. Levi stared at the two pranksters laughing. They were still keeping an eye on Floch and Jean was holding tightly his 3DMG hand grips. At least he was prepared for the worst. Levi knew Floch had fired the grapple hook when Jean released his grasp. Now, knowing that Floch had had the good reflex, their laugh had no withholding. He landed on the Wall a bit further and he was purple. Mixing anger red and terrorised blue.

“Oi, brats. No fucking pranks.”

There. That calmed the two down. Levi looked at Sasha. She was holding back an amused face. She obviously had found it funny. Levi saw it in her eyes. And he saw her dark circles too.

He got up and spotted Hanji, Eren and Armin talking next to a cannon. He went to join them.

“Not a necklace Eren ! She might have to wear one already. She needs something discreet. A bracelet is better.” Armin adviced.

“Or a ring.” Hanji added.

“A ring is... too much I think.” Eren mumbled. 

He had his arms crossed, looking away. Obviously embarrassed. Hanji noticed Levi and asked him to what did they owe him the pleasure of his company.

“I’m coming too. I want to go to a tea shop.”

She was uselessly happy he had joined the group and shouted at the other soldiers :

“We’re going ! Jean is in charge meanwhile.”

Levi jumped with the three into Stohess. They used their 3DMG to arrive at the city center. Faster. Fuck gas saving. Hanji knew where was a jewelry shop. Levi thought about going with them. That wasn’t like him to do so. But... he kind of wanted. Odd.

Eren was clearly embarrassed by his presence. Maybe he shouldn’t have went with them in the end. Whatever. He might as well take a look at the stuff while he was there.

There was all kind of jewels. Some were okay, some incredibly ugly. He wondered who would buy them eventually. Levi had rarely seen women wearing jewels in his life. And men didn’t wear any. Not as far as he knew. 

He remembered the first time he had seen a jewel. In a bar in the Underground, a woman was wearing a necklace with a rose. Levi had been highly disturbed by it. Isabel had made fun of him.

Then, there was this soldier from the Garrison he had seen once. She was wearing a necklace too. He had wondered if she were allowed to... And also Miss Leonhardt was wearing that damn ring. But that was an other kind of jewelry.

What kind would _she_ like ? Probably discreet. But with a meaning. Representing something she liked or a part of her. Like food. A donut necklace. She could wear that sort of shit. Funny.

Damn Levi. Why was he wondering this ? What the fuck ? He had to stop it. It wasn’t like he was going to buy her any. And shit : he wasn’t supposed to think about this stuff ! Connie could. Not him.

A golden arrow bracelet.

It was great. Levi knew she would love it. Damn ! Why Connie wasn’t here ?! He could have find a way to make him see the bracelet. And then Connie would have bought it. He would have given it to her.

“What are you looking at Levi ?”

He turned to face shitty glasses.

“Nothing in particular. Did you find anything ?”

“Yes, Eren chose already. Let’s go to the tea shop !”

Fuck, already ? He had planned to sneak away before. Now they’ll want to come with him. Shit.

“You can go back to the Wall. I’ll be quick.” Levi attempted.

It didn’t work. They wanted to walk around town. What was even the use ?

They were in the crowed streets when Armin, walking ahead with Eren, took back the bracelet.

“What are you doing Armin ?! Careful !” shouted the brat.

“I’m just checking something...” the blond answered while raising the object next to Eren’s eyes.

Levi glanced at Hanji next to her. What the fuck was happening there ?

Armin put the bracelet back in its silk pouch.

“It’s okay. I've forgotten to check outside, in the sunlight, but it matches.”

Eren stopped. Levi almost bumped into him. Fuck.

“WHAT ?”

Aaaand he was having a tantrum.

“THAT’S WHY YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE THIS ONE ?! BECAUSE THE STONE HAD THE COLOR OF MY EYES ?!! THAT’S FUCKED UP ARMIN !”

Levi sighed. Could he just... not shout _every fucking day_ ?

“But it’s nice that way Eren, she will see you in it !” defended Armin.

“THAT’S SO PRETENTIOUS ARMIN !.... We have to change it.”

Oh god no....

“Don’t worry Eren, she’ll like it !” said Hanji with a smile.

Eren looked at her. And then at Levi.

“Okay... I’ll keep it...” he said before starting to walk again.

Despite his face expression, Levi actually understood the boy. His worry. He just didn’t want to screw it up. He couldn’t spend too much time with Historia so he must feel like he had to make the best out of it. Made sense. But still, something disturbed Levi...

“Hanji” he whispered. “Why Historia ?”

“I’m not the one you should ask.”

“But you must know. She’s the damn Queen. And she's still crying that other girl. It doesn’t look like a smart choice.”

She looked at him with round eyes.

“Levi...”

“What is it ?”

“You don’t think that people choose with who they’re in love, do you ?”


	8. Love lesson

“You don’t think that people choose with who they’re in love, do you ?” 

Still walking, they looked at each other in the eye, trying to understand themselves, while the boys were ahead, out of earshot.

What ? What did she mean by that ?

“That’s why we say ‘_falling in love_’. You don’t choose to fall. You just do.”

Huuuh ? 

Levi had thought that people were looking for the person that would match them the most and then they just decided to hold on to them.

He had got it all wrong. Was it why he had always felt lost when people were talking about their feelings ? He hadn’t known that they weren’t responsible for their love. In fact, they hadn’t chosen. Like Eren hadn’t chosen Historia. It had just happened to be her.

Hanji pointed not so discreetly at Eren :

“When it happens you either choose to fight...”

Now she was pointing at Armin’s back.

“... or to move on.”

Armin ? Armin had _fallen_ in love ? But he never spoke about it ! And it didn’t show like Eren or Mikasa or... Sasha and Connie. So those last two... were really lucky ones...

“Neither is easy. For the first option, you need to stay brave, keep going and put aside your pride. But also to have respect for the loved one. To know the boundaries.”

Levi looked at Eren. Now that he thought about it, the boy had to be living a difficult moment. Historia seemed out of reach, and yet, he chose to fight. Levi found it admirable.

“For the second option, you have to be patient, love yourself and know that this person is not the center of the world. That you can be happy without them. It’s really not easy.”

Armin... Levi never noticed we was going through something like this. He was like the sunshine of the squad.

“In the end, maybe love is a choice. But not the way you thought it was.”

Levi didn’t feel embarrassed by this... love lesson. Hanji knew that he wasn’t experienced in this field. And he knew she wouldn’t make fun of him for that.

“Choosing to fight means that sometimes you’ll blush in front of your friends for a stupid joke and yet not denying. That you’ll accept the huge embarrassement for going into town with your superiors in order to buy a bracelet.”

Levi couldn’t even imagine how the boy must be feeling. He had been in terrible battles but that one seemed to be very different. 

“Choosing to move on means that sometimes you’ll cry analyzing a certain crystal. But that you’ll still come back the next day to continue the research in order to be able to talk about it with a smile one day.”

Levi was shocked. He really hadn’t seen that one coming. Leonhardt ? The girl that had kidnapped his best friend, destroyed a city, killed countless soldiers and citizens ? He was sure now of Hanji’s words : people didn’t choose who they fall in love with.

At the thought, some voices came back in his mind :

_“Did you see that Aniki ?!”_

_“Stop trying to imitate Captain Levi Auruo ! You’re not him !”_

_“Thank you... Levi.”_

He didn’t know how he was still walking, how his expression was still impassible because deep down it was chaos. All the emotions he felt were spinning. He had looked at life the wrong way all along.

“And then...” continued Hanji. “There is the third option. The stupid one.”

She was pointing at herself. Levi dropped all of his thoughts to listen to her.

“It’s when you choose to not to choose. When you stay in between. You don’t try but you don’t let go. You maintain the spark but don’t make a fire of it. You’re just a spectator, hoping that things will change naturally. One way or another. But things don’t change. Not until you decide so.”

She adjusted her glasses nervously.

“Not choosing means you’ll keep trying to find reasons not to make a move. That the presence will be enough and yet won’t. That you’ll feel sad and angry when you’ll see him cry in your office for someone else.”

Hanji ? Really ? How could he not have seen it ? No he had seen it... but he was just looking with his eyes.

“Don’t be like me Levi. Just choose.”

So... she... liked Armin ? And Armin... liked Annie ? That was fucked up. Why ?

“Yes that happens. You can’t just ask someone to turn around to make things right. People can’t choose their feelings. If that was the case, we both know a dark-haired girl that instead of Eren she would choose to love...”

“Jean.” he completed.

“Yes. That would be easier. For Mikasa and for Jean. And for Eren too. But life isn’t like that. Life isn’t easy.”

“Then if you love someone...” finally spoke Levi. “... there’s only sorrow. Like a battle, an endless battle. You can fight, hide or let yourself die. No living. It’s just about surviving. ”

“But what if you win that battle ? You’re free. It’s happiness. And if you die, you’re free too. You just moved on.”

“But you may loose so much in the way that you’re not happy to win.”

“Yes, that’s very true. That’s why you have to choose. Sometimes it’s better to let yourself die.”

Levi looked at the boys again. Eren had hope. Armin not. Their choices made sense.

“And also, you still can find some happiness during that battle.” continued Hanji. “When you waltz with her, when you remember playing chess with her or simply when he comes to see you at your office. Happy moments.”

Now Eren and Armin were speaking, smiling and laughing. Like if their fight didn’t hit them. They still enjoyed life. 

“You’re not defined by who you love Levi. You’re defined by the choices you make.”

Levi thought about her state for a while.

“How do you know you’re in a battle ?”

Hanji smiled. She clearly understood Levi’s real question.

“ You’re in love when the person can make you laugh. When you feel happy helping them. When you want to know all about them. When you keep thinking about them. ”

Levi clenched his fists. It couldn’t be. How...

“You’re in love when you’re yourself with them. When you accept them completly, with their flaws. When you accept that they see the real you.”

Armin turned around, pointing at a tea shop. Levi stared at it. Should he still be doing this ? What should he do ? Should he fight or let himself die ? Could he win that battle ?

He remembered Sasha’s eyes and made his mind.

This was his swansong.


	9. The dinner

"I heard that some people are betting on the color of the dress Historia will wear ! She's popular !" Connie exclaimed.

It was the end of dinner. The bald just broke a long silence because... honestly, nothing was happening these last days. They were doing small MP or Garrison shitty jobs until they could start to clean Wall Maria. It was kind of boring. The squad stayed together all the time, doing nothing. So there wasn’t much to say.

"That's weird..." mumbled Eren.

Another silence. Levi didn’t mind it but he knew that some hated it. Like Sasha.

Since he had come back from the excursion in the town center, he had tried to remain... natural ? Actually, he was mostly avoiding her. If he kept spending his time with her, how could he _move on_ ?

"White" bet Hanji.

"Red" joined Jean.

"Blue !" shouted Connie.

Eren was frowning, clearly not pleased by this bet. He stared at his stew. He should better eat the damn thing because Levi was the one who had made it. It was supposed to be Hanji and Jean's turn but Levi had told Hanji he would do it. She had needed the time to write some paper or whatever for the party tomorrow... Levi hadn’t even known paperwork could be more useless.

"It's just colors..." sighed Jean.

Levi looked at Eren. Confused. Lost in thoughts. As always lately. When he wasn’t shouting.

Then he looked at Mikasa. She hadn’t said a word from the beginning of the meal. When they had come back from town earlier they had found her taking a nap with Sasha. Both asleep. Both with red eyes. Why Mikasa had cried, Levi could guess, so he was more curious about Sasha's reason. Actually, he was mainly worried.

But yeah... the _move on_ thing.

So Levi looked at everyone except her. He couldn’t. If he looked at her he knew it would hurt. Specially when she had sat right in front of him. She must had noticed this... avoidance. Shit. Levi was doing this specially to not hurt her and if she was sad about it, it wouldn’t make any sense.

Levi saw her hand putting down the fork.

“Thank you Captain for the meal !” Sasha said before getting up.

She always thanked the people who had cooked so that part didn’t disturb Levi but... he wasn’t supposed to have prepared the dinner tonight. How the hell did she know ? He had always assumed that she looked at the meal schedule before going to eat but apparently that wasn't the case.

Levi exchanged a look with Hanji. She clearly hadn't told Sasha.

“Wait.” he finally looked at her. “How do you know it was me who cooked ?”

“Hum... It’s quite easy to know who cooked. Specially when it’s you sir.”

She pointed at Eren’s plate, which was still half full.

“The way the vegetables are cut. Very... _square_. And then there’s oregano. You always put some.”

That... that was fucked up. Levi had no words so she kept talking.

“I can recognize quickly who prepared the meal. Like today’s lunch : the mushroom omelette. It was _really_ airy, so the eggs must had been beaten very strongly. Mikasa. And the mushrooms had been cut cautiously. Armin. The omelette was made by Mikasa and Armin.”

She shrugged and added : “Easy.”

Levi scanned the squad. Yeah it wasn’t just him : she was a goddess. Everyone was gaping at her.

“What’s wrong ?”

“Nothing. You’re just a freak.” answered Jean.

“What ? I’m just... paying some attention to the food. Is that so weird ?”

They all nodded. She looked at them and sat back on her chair. Levi knew she didn’t want the squad to talk behind her back. So she wanted to stay until they would move on to something else.

They did it quicker than Levi had expected. Talking about Stohess. The town center, the inhabitants, the market. Huh. Soon they’ll talk _weather_.

Armin remained silent all along. Yeah, Stohess might not have been an easy talking point for him. Yesterday Levi wouldn’t even have noticed his silence.

While Connie was telling his _super interesting_ story about the 'weird hat man and little boy asking for puzzles in the street', Sasha got up discreetly and only Levi spotted her. Probably because they both were at the head of the table. Having no one on his right was practical for Levi to put his arm on the back of his chair.

Levi’s heart skipped a beat.

When Sasha had been walking past him her hand had touched his right one. A caress.

That... move... she had done it on purpose. Right ? Or Levi was just imagining things ?... He couldn’t tell. But it hurted to see that she could have such an effect on him.

Fuck. What had she done to him ?! A simple touch of hers and he was shaken ? All he wanted right now was to get up and go hug her !

Levi realized that avoiding her had the opposite effect of what he had expected. It was so much harder than he had thought it would be. He thought that letting her go and move on would be ea-

_“It’s really not easy.”_

... Hanji...

_“You have to be patient, love yourself and know that this person is not the center of the world. That you can be happy without them.”_

Sasha wasn’t the center of the world. Levi knew that. Then why was it so difficult ?! It hurt already. And he had decided to move on only this afternoon !

Patience. He needed patience. Just to wait a little longer. He could do this. He didn’t need her. He had survived all of these years without her. He had _lived _without her ! So he still could. He could.

He just would have to give her that thing tomorrow and he would be done. That would be the last special attention he would give her.

Letting himself die in that battle. No fighting. No hiding. He would stay on the battlefield but without dodging the swords. The punches. The arrows...

That bracelet. She would never have it. She would never even see it. Maybe Levi could just buy it and... give it to her in secret and... No. He couldn’t. That would be like fighting. He had to let her go. No bracelet. She didn’t need it.

“Are you okay Captain ?”

Levi had forgotten his surroundings. They all had left except Armin, who was about to clean the table. He was looking at him with his big blue eyes.

“I’m fine, Armin.”

The boy nodded. He started to take the plates. Levi got up to help him. Armin told him he didn’t have to and_ blah blah_ but he ignored him. As they were heading for the kitchen, the blond spoke up :

“Are you nervous for tomorrow sir ? Or annoyed ?”

Tomorrow ? Oh right that fucking party. He would have to do the bratsitting...

“More annoyed than nervous. Only annoyed actually.”

Last time had been exhausting, between Floch’s bluntness, Jean and Eren being hot-blooded and Sasha having-

Suddenly Levi remembered the balcony moment. Was it really Sasha at that time ? It felt like it was another person. But in fact, Levi was the one who had changed.

When at that time he had been pissed because she had eaten almost all the food, now he would find it funny. He would like to see her in action and tell the haters to fuck off.

When at that time she had been cold and he had refused to put his jacket on her back, now he wouldn’t have hesitated. Maybe he would even hug her to keep her warm.

When at that time he had found her weak for not kicking the men that had been bothering her, now he would go to beat them up himself for doing so.

Everything was different now.

“Hum sir, you can put the cutlery in the sink now...” Armin said hesitantly.

Levi looked at him in the eye.

Would it be easier if Sasha was inside a crystal? ... Probably not.


	10. How life was

One, two, three. Three seconds.

....

One, two, three. Three seconds.

.......

One, two, three, four. Four seconds.

..

One, two. Two seconds.

Yeah, Levi was sure now.

The annoying thing in Hanji's snoring was her irregularity.

So fucking irritating. Why were the walls so poorly insulated ? He could have sworn she had turned into the beast titan. Levi sighed. Maybe it was better than absolute silence. He tried to move in his bed to find a good sleeping position but it just pissed him off. The walls, the beds... everything was fucking shit here !

Should he hit the common wall ? Her door ? Hugh. Her snoring wasn’t the reason he was angry anyway. Frustrated was more accurate. Levi knew he was doing the right thing and yet... he didn’t want to move on. He wanted to keep lov- liking _her_. He didn’t want to kill that light. He didn’t want to let himself die. He wanted to hide. To stay alive.

But he couldn’t.

He was thirsty.

He sat up and put his shoes on. Going to help himself a glass of water was just an excuse to get out of this room. After so many sleepless hours, he was sick of it. So that's why he felt a little better when he was getting down the stairs. Moving his legs was nice too.

_When he came close to the kitchen he stopped abruptly. Someone was there. He pricked up his ears. He could recognize that eating sound between thousands._

_He headed back to the stairs. Scared. Panicked. He hadn't expected to find her here. He was trying to avoid her but if some god was playing with him it would be impossible._

_"Wait !"_

_Levi's heart stopped._

_"Please..."_

_He slowly blinked before turning around._

_Sasha was in pyjamas, hair down and messy, an apple half eaten in her hand. She was beautiful even with that tired face._

_Despite her nervousness, she kept her eyes locked in Levi's._

_"I..."_

_Oh God. You fucking shit. Could you be more cruel than that ?_

_"What did I do wrong ?"_

_Yes He could._

_Fuck._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

_"What do you mean ?" asked innocently Levi._

_"Why are you avoiding me ?"_

_"I'm not."_

_The inside corners of her eyebrows were rising up. Levi could already see small tears in her eyes._

_"You can't even tell me ?" she moaned._

_Levi immediately answered :_

_"There's nothing to tell you. I'm not avoiding you. So stop making that face."_

_She closed her eyes firmly. A tear fell on her right cheek. Levi knew that she hadn't bought it. He already had seen her cry but this was so much worse. He was the reason of that tear. Fucking horrible._

_“I don’t understand why you’re crying Sasha. You should go back to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll stay up late.”  
_

_Levi wasn’t really lying here. He knew Sasha was sad because he was avoiding her but he truly didn’t understand it. She shouldn’t cry for that. Levi wasn’t worth it. He was just a broken, old, deadly, maniac, rude, stupid... pervert -apparently-. Nothing to cry about._

_When he was about to turn around and go back to his room he thought that she would maybe be the one avoiding him tomorrow. Because she would think that he had a reason to and even if she didn’t get it, she would make the effort to leave him some space. She was a better person that Levi._

_So he took a last look at her. She still had her eyes closed. That tear slowly going down her cheek. Her hair down wasn’t brushed and was falling on her shoulders. She was still beautiful._

_Without a word he went to her. She opened her eyes to stare at him. He was glad she did it, because she had such gorgeous big amber eyes. A princess eyes._

_He wiped the tear away._

_He took her wrist and grasped the apple in her hand._

_“Eating will keep you from sleeping.”  
_

_She blinked and he turned around. Heading to the stairs. And finishing that apple. It was the first time he tasted someone else's food. But it was Sasha's. So it just made him a little nervous. Not disgusted._

_The apple was bittersweet... until she hugged him._

Levi sighed. Why was he fantasizing like that ?

He entered the empty kitchen and went to drink some water. In cold moonlight. No warm amber light. He washed the glass and left. There was nothing more. Only loneliness.

He looked at the door of the mess hall.

_“Help yourself.”_

She had enjoyed those biscuits.

But whatever. The moment was gone. He had to move on.

Levi went back to his room. He found it specially big. Too big for him. And too calm. He could enjoy some music. One came to his mind.

_“It’s the Wind’s Dance !”_

Shut up. Stop it. SHUT UP.

_"Have you ever danced ?"_

Sitting on his bed, hands grabbing his hair, Levi screamed in pain.

He was loosing his sanity. He didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. What was happiness and sadness. What he even wanted. He was so lost.

If only someone entered his room right now. If only someone went to listen to him. If only he had woken up Hanji by that scream. If only she would knock at his door to see if he was fine. If only she would see his lie when he would say he was okay. If only she would enter and help him.

_“But life isn’t like that. Life isn’t easy.” _

Hanji was still snoring.

No one knocked.

Nothing happened.

He hadn't bitten any apple.

That’s how life was.


	11. Under the pain

Rain.

Levi hated it. It brought back that awful memory. At least it wasn't as heavy as that day. But riding a horse and wearing the SC uniform surely didn't help.

_'They want us to wear it, the people like the SC now, they're proud of it. We'll change before the party anyway. It's just to enter Mitras.'_

Tch. So stupid. Those pigs were playing with them like with dolls.

Levi's hood got pulled off by the wind. Damn it. He was about to put it back when he spotted _her_ out of the corner of his eye. She had stupidly let go the reins to open her arms towards the sky. Head up. Eyes closed. Smiling. She clearly liked the rain.

How could she ? It was fucking water falling on you. For free. And your sight was affected. Your hearing too. It was just a pain. Ha. Levi was sure that it had been called rain because of that. Short for real pain.

Levi wanted to understand her. Completely. She just kept piquing his curiosity.

Smiling like that, she looked happy... for most people. But Levi saw sadness. How could he see it ? No idea. Why was she sad ? No idea. But he was sure that she was.

All of those times he had seen her smile at people when she should have just... kicked them... it actually had been fake smiles. He just understood it. When someone embarrassed her, she smiled. Made her nervous, she smiled. Disconcerted, she smiled. Even scared, she smiled.

That was stupid and yet... admirable. Levi was the opposite. He contained his smile when he was happy. He felt weak otherwise. But watching her smiling like that under the rain, in the real pain, he thought it could show strength. She was strong enough to hide her emotions _and_ to show happiness. All of this to not make people uncomfortable or worried.

She looked to thank or welcome the rain when actually, she was using it to hide her tears...

Stop.

He had to stop thinking about her.

Or he would never move on.

Damn, how Armin was surviving this ?

He looked back ahead and tried to think of something else. Maybe he should think of _someone_ else. He glanced at his left. Mikasa.

So... Mikasa was... okay. She had... hair ?

Fuck. That didn’t work. Maybe with another soldier ? Levi looked behind Mikasa. That was... Connie. NO. Not that dude !

Huh ?

Since when he hated Connie ? That was fucked up...

_“Jean showed Connie and I how to dance it ! It’s really funny !”  
_

_“... I spotted you yesterday. You were watching Connie and I practicing our ninja poses. So right back at you sir !”   
_

_“Hey Connie ! Look closely at my salute !” _

_“There. Look closer.”   
_

...

Right.

Were they talking now ? Levi felt like it... No, if they were, he would hear them despite the rain.

Were they looking at each other though ?

If Levi glanced at Connie it wouldn’t count right ?

...

Connie was staring at his own hands. Lost in thoughts.

Okay so now Levi was becoming paranoid. Fucking great. He had lost his mind. Maybe he should let Hanji dissect him. She could discover something freaking stupid in his brain.

"Hum, are we going through that forest ?" asked Jean. "We should avoid it, the horses will be slower there."

"We're gonna take a break there... It’ll be good to get out of the rain." said Hanji.

They had been riding for two hours now and they still had one to go. Thus, the break was very welcome.

The squad slowed down at the entrance of the forest. The trees were big. Levi would have enjoyed to do some moves with the 3DMG but they didn’t bring any. It was a wise decision, the equipment would have been useless and cumbersome.

Sasha was really smiling this time.

"It's been so long !!!" she howled.

Most of them laughed at her and she joined them. _That_, for example. How did she do it ? Levi would have made one of these idiots fall of his horse, taken his shoes and thrown them at the others. It wouldn't have been even necessary because they wouldn't have dared to make fun of him in the first place. Well before that, Levi wouldn't have... howled.

Anyway, he had something to do. He came down from the horse and went deeper into the woods while the others were sitting to drink and talk. He took out from his pocket the small and weird pouch, packet or whatever.

He finally stopped to look around. What made the forest... smell like that ? His plan had been to put natural stuff in that bag he had once noticed in Stohess shop. It originally was full of tea, but in purpose to smell it and not drink it. Levi had taken two : he had put one in his room and he had emptied the other to fill it with...

Damn, what could he take ? What made the forest smell ? What even was the forest's smell ?

Right now, it smelled danger. Levi's senses were awoken. Probably because he used to fight titans in this environment. And maybe that was why he was having a hard time to focus.

Maybe some leaves ? He took some from different trees. What else could he take ? Maybe that flow-

That... flower...

_“THAT’S WHY YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE THIS ONE ?! BECAUSE THE STONE HAD THE COLOR OF MY EYES ?!! THAT’S FUCKED UP ARMIN !”_

... it had the same amber light of her eyes.

Should he take it ? Levi wanted to keep it. But yeah... That was fucked up.

_“But it’s nice that way Eren, she will see you in it !” _

He would see her in it. Of course it would wilt quickly but... He took it and put it in his pocket.

Now, back to the task.

He took some pieces of twigs and also some moss and soil. All of this was disgusting. He was happy he hadn't forget to take an extra handkerchief with him. After putting the pouch with the flower he wiped his hands.

He was about to get back to the squad when he saw some purple berries. Maybe she would like them ? Levi picked one.

"Don't eat it !"

Huh ? He looked around. Nobody. He was hallucinating _her_ voice now ?

"Look up."

He did. She was crouching on the branch of a tree, elbows on her knees, hands supporting her head.

"What are you doing Captain ?"

"What are _you_ doing Sasha ?" he bit back.

"Hum... Hunting."

_Hunting_ ? She didn't have her bow ! Her blades ! Wait... How did she climb up there without the 3DMG ?!!!

"What can you possibly hunt without any weapon ?"

"It's obvious." she claimed.

Hum no it wasn't. Maybe something that could die by throwing rocks at it ? Could a rabbit die like that ?

Hey... When did she move ?

She was now sitting on the lower branch. Like an animal, a squirrel, she was casually moving around the tree. Not making any noise.

"I was hunting you. You're quite sensitive actually ! You felt a threat."

Levi ? She was hunting Levi ?!

"Oh so you're trying titan's food now ?"

She chuckled and Levi's heart beat faster.

"Anyway, don't eat that. It'll make you sick."

He looked at the berry and dropped it. He wasn't planning on eating it anyway. When he turned back to her she was hanging upside down.

"Sasha !! What are you doing ?!" he started to panic.

"It's fine, my legs are hooking me to the branch, look ! I'm safe."

He stared confusely and that strange creature. It was so weird to see her like that. With her hair... above her head... or under ? He could see her forehead now. And it made her golden eyes brought out.

Another point of view of the same weird, odd, strange princess.

Did he just called her _princess_ ?!

"But why ? Why doing..." He made a vague hand gesture enclosing her. "... _that_ ?"

"Why not ?" she replied. "It's very comfortable. A nice feeling. And I get to see you upside down now."

What the fuck ?

Just... He had no words.

Levi went to her. Their eyes were at the same height... for once. They kept them locked in each other's while talking :

"Join me Captain !"

"Join you for what ?"

"Come hang with me !"

"Hah ? I'm not doing that !"

"But it's fun ! You'll like it !"

Levi crossed his arms on his chest.

"And how could you know that ?"

"With the 3DMG, you like to do flips and stuff !"

He rose an eyebrow.

"I don't."

"You're a bad liar."

Huh ? Only to her !

"Sir." she added. "Sorry I forget to say it lately..."

He hadn't even noticed. Levi didn't really care if people said 'sir' or not. Unless they were using it in every fucking sentence. That was so annoying.

"Nevermind. Don't say it if you don't feel like it."

She bit her lips. Obviously wondering if she could one day, like four-eyes, call him by his name. Such an open book.

"How would I even climb on that branch ?" he changed the subject.

"Mmmh. First drop the cloak. It's not practical to move in the woods. And mostly noisy."

Noisy ? It's a cloak !

She pointed at the trunk.

"Then you can put your left foot on that bump here and your right hand on that one."

Alright. That wouldn't be difficult.


	12. Upside down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Careful I updated 2 chapters in a row ;)  
Check you read 'Under the pain'

Levi took off his cloak, folded it and put it on a very low branch not far away. He had thought she would had commented his... neatness, but she hadn't said a word.

He went back to the tree and she moved to the side, letting him more space.

"Will the branch even support both of us ?" he pondered.

She took a quick look at it and assured :

"Yeah, it could support Eren's titan ! Maybe not Armin's though..."

Levi hummed in acknowledgment and put his hand and foot like she had told him so. He climbed quite easily, what to do next had came naturally to his mind. He was now standing on the branch.

"What now ?" he questioned.

She pointed at her legs. Right. He analyzed their strange position... It made sense actually.

In only a few seconds, he was hanging next to her. She laughed.

"Your ascot Captain !"

"Tch. Don't make me get down already." he grumbled while taking it off.

"No stay ! I'm sorry !" she pleaded with jointed hands.

Levi sighed.

"Then keep it for me would you ?"

She took it with round eyes.

"What's wrong ?"

"Nothing..." she mumbled. "Can I tie it up on my wrist ?"

"Do what you want."

While she was doing it, Levi focused on this new upside down hanging. It felt weird but... yeah it was quite a nice feeling.

Damn. He was supposed to avoid her. He had completely forgotten.

She interrupted his thoughts :

"Do you think we'll sing 'Happy Birthday' to Historia tonight ? There will be a cake right ?"

"How the hell should I know ?"

"I've never heard you sing Captain."

"It's because I don't."

"Mmmmh..."

Not buying it.

"Have you ever heard some people in the squad singing ?" Levi asked quickly.

"All of them. Except Floch. But one day I will."

"So... who missed to become a great singer ?"

"Mikasa. That's why I'm really curious. I'm sure you must also-"

"Sasha, we're not even sure we're actually related. And it's not like she would be my sister. She's the brat's."

"... Tch !"

She was impossible...

"Stop. Imitating. Me." he groaned, punctuating each word with a push on her shoulder.

It made her laugh.

"You can imitate me in return ! I won't be offended !"

"Like if I could do that. I still want to keep some pride thank you."

"You're not really convincing in that position."

Fuck. She was so right. What was she doing to him ?

He took out cautiously the 'forest pouch' from his pocket and hand it to her.

"There. Put it next to your pillow. It'll help you to sleep."

She took it and smelled it. Levi knew that he did a good picking when he saw her grin. She sniffed it again before putting it in her pocket. Then she moved her legs to get closer to him.

Levi looked at her disconcerted. What had she in mind ? Their shoulders were touching.

She quickly leaned to kiss his cheek.

...

Alright... He should... He... She...

"I shouldn't have done that ?" she worried.

For how long had he been... in shock ? 

"No... I mean yes, I-I mean... It's okay..." he stammered.

She snickered. Watching her almost made him smile at his own reaction.

She turned her head around, pretending to look at the trees.

Why was she... doing that suddenly ?

... She's an angel. That girl knows him. 

He rose his hand and _faked_ to wipe his cheek. 

Levi won't move on. He didn't want to. He was okay with making a stupid choice.

She turned back to him.

"Have you ever noticed that we have the same shirt color ?!" she exclaimed. "We're like a team"

"The Survey Bats."

They looked at the direction of the voice. An upside down Eren was here. Tch. She could have heard him coming !

"Sasha I get it but..." he mumbled, staring at his Captain.

"Aren't you the one saying that we're free since we're born ?" replied Levi. "So I get to go in every place of this world."

He blinked.

"That's true but... that isn't my view of freedom, well it is but.. whatever I guess..." Eren consented. "I just came to tell you that we're leaving soon... sir."

Levi remained impassible, but actually he was fucking embarrassed by this indescribable situation.

"Noted. Thank you Eren."

The boy left, probably still in shock by what he just saw. Sasha laughed.

"Did you see his face ?!!! It was hilarious ! I was having a hard time to not make fun of him ! But he came up with a nice name though : the Survey Bats. I love it ! Don't you ?"

"... We should go."

How the hell could he get down of this ? He looked at her. She swang and somersaulted to land on her feet.

"Don't forget to uncross your legs Captain !"

He wasn't going to. He imitated her moves and wipe his legs. When he rose back his head she was holding his cloak, inviting him to turn around so she would put it on his shoulders.

"Sir." she teased.

Tch. What a joke.

Levi turned around to let her. He was doing the bat with her only a few seconds ago, there wasn't much pride left anyway.

And it was kind of funny.

"I like that sparkle in your eyes when you're amused. It's like... your own way of laughing."

Could she not ?! She basically told him that she liked his eyes ! And Levi had shitty ones ! So no ! She shouldn't say that !

Levi felt his cheeks getting hot. Fuck. Not the right fucking time. He decided to stay like this, with his back to her.

It didn't last long because he turned around when he heard her eating.

"You'll be sick. You told me those berries made people sick."

She smiled at him, obviously enjoying his shitty little blushing, and corrected :

"I said that it will make _you_ sick. But yeah, they made me sick when I tasted them in my childhood. My father scolded me. He had warned me. I was just too curious. And it turned out I loved those berries. So the next day I went back to eat more. I fell sick again. Buy the day after-"

"You still went back to eat more." he completed.

"Yes. Now I'm immune."

Hah... What could possibly Levi answer to that ? It was at the same time so stupid and so brave.

Hanji's shout broke the silence :

"Time to fly off the Survey Bats !"

...

Fuck.


	13. What's wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's a short chapter !  
But long enough to shake you...

“Where’s your coat ?”

She was staring into space.

“Sasha !” Levi shouted at her.

They had to go join the others. There still was one hour of riding to get to Mitras.

She finally looked at him.

“Where’s your coat ?” he repeated.

“On my horse...” she mumbled.

What was wrong with her ? She was joking a few seconds ago !

“Alright. Let’s go.”

Levi turned back to the squad’s direction. He didn’t wanted them to start gossiping some shit about him and Sasha.

“Wait !”

She had grabbed his wrist.

Levi stopped. Blinking. This was real. It wasn’t a fantasy like yesterday.

He looked at her over his shoulder.

“Do you like me... “

She was gaping, trying to pronounce something else but clearly not succeeding.

Levi was internally freaking out. He put all of his bravery in not averting his eyes. He didn’t want her to know in what chaotic state her unfinished question was putting him into. He didn’t want her to know his feelings. Not right now. It was too soon ! Not here ! He wasn’t prepared ! He just couldn’t !

She sighed and closed her eyes.

“... Levi ?”

His heart stopped.

That was what she had been struggling to pronounce ? His name ?

He felt dizzy hearing her saying it... So he tried to focus. He couldn’t let any hint of his feelings. He still had to figure out if he wanted to be with her and if it would be a wise idea.

But Levi had only a few seconds to decide. 

“I like you Sasha. As a friend.”

It didn’t feel as painful as he had expected. It was even easy to say. Definitely easier than the truth.

She opened her eyes, frowning at him, and then violently released him. He turned to face her.

“What’s wrong Sasha ?”

“_What’s wrong_ ?” she replied before giving a sour laugh. “I... I like you ! And you like me too ! I can see it ! So don’t ask me what’s wrong ! You already have the answer !”

Levi had frozen. Immobile. Petrified by her rage.

“You can’t just lie to me here ! Not about this ! It’s fucking unfair ! Do you realize that ? I need... I need an explanation here !”

Now he was hesitating. Maybe he should tell her. And then they’ll see... No. No he had to think first ! What if they would become a thing and Levi would realize it couldn’t work ? He had never dated anyone before ! He didn’t know shit about how this thing worked ! She would quickly be disappointed, realizing that he wasn’t the one she expected. That he couldn't give her what she needed. He didn’t know how. How to date people. What was even dating ? What did it imply ? Every answer that came to his mind didn’t suit him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do this. He loved her. Really. But he couldn’t. He would screw it up. It was far more safer like this. Keeping loving her. From a distance. Just watching her was enough for him. He could bare if she was dat-

“What the hell is that Sasha ?! You’re telling me all of this when you’re dating someone else ? Be more responsible !”

She just frowned even deeper.

“What are you talking about ? I’m not dating anyone !”

“You’re not dating him ?”

“Who is him ?!”

“Connie !!”

“WHAT ? OF COURSE I’M NOT !”

“Looks like it !”

“You don’t even believe me ?! Why would I lie ?!”

“You tell me.”

“Connie is my best friend. I am _not _dating him. I wouldn’t ask you if I already was with someone !”

So Levi was right. She wanted to date him. He couldn’t.

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” he replied calmly. “I’m sorry but I can’t. Maybe in the future... No. Not even. I’m sorry Sasha I won’t.”

She was staring at him, exhausted.

“Why ?”

“Because.”

She closed her eyes again. Trying to swallow Levi’s words. Then she lowered her head and looked at her wrist.

She took off the ascot and handed it to him.

No... Levi couldn’t take it back. He... he didn’t want to completely let her go. He just wanted to hide, not to give up...

“Keep it.” he declared.

She looked at it and then at him. Finally she dropped her arm.

There was a long, unbearable silence. Sasha was staring at the ascot, in thought.

She looked confused. It made sense. Levi was messing everything up right now.

“No.”

She handed back the ascot to him. Determined.

“Why ?”

She smirked.

“Because.”

He took it and put it back on. She was watching him, arms crossed.

“So..." she resumed. "You don’t like me ? Not in a romantic way ?”

Eyes still focused on his hands tying the cloth, he responded :

“No.”

When he was done, he looked up at her. She was impassible. She had closed her book. Levi couldn’t read her anymore.

She walked past him, heading for where the squad was, whispering to him :

“We’ll see about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You better watch out Levi. Sasha is pissed at you...


	14. Confusion

Finally.

Levi came down of his stallion. The stables were huge. There already was a lot of horses.

“Armin ! Look at this one ! All white !” shouted Hanji.

“Oh beautiful !!” reacted the blond.

“Right ?!” she grinned.

Now that Levi knew their feelings, this exchange was bittersweet. Their relationship was. But how could they behave otherwise ?

Speaking of behaviours, Sasha’s didn’t please Levi. At all.

After their fight, she had told four-eyes that she had been feeling dizzy and tired. So Hanji had taken her horse’s reins to let her rest behind Connie. And of course their horse had been just next to Levi's. It would have been a shame if he had missed Sasha hugging _very innocently_ her ‘best friend’.

It was obvious she was trying to make him jealous. And by having spent the last hour wishing she was hugging him instead, Levi knew it had freaking worked.

So yes, he was glad to be finally arrived at Mitras.

“Hey Jean !” Eren shouted. “This one looks just like you !”

Levi glanced at them. He secretly liked the horse-Jean jokes.

“RAAH ?! STOP IT ASSHOLE !”

He enjoyed less the shouting parts though.

“He’s actually right. This horse have Jean’s hair colors !” observed Connie.

The rest of the squad looked at it and confirmed. Jean was speechless. He had already given up on life.

“Time to go brats.” Levi intervened.

As they were heading for the palace, Sasha went next to him. They exchanged a quick look.

“I bet you found Eren’s joke funny.” she said confidently.

Levi didn’t know what to answer. He didn’t know how to talk to her anymore. Things had used to be fine and natural before...

He remained silent, looking ahead.

“You’re going to avoid me again ?” she worried.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

Levi wasn't. He just didn't have a clue on how to act with her. And he was a little angry after this long provocation.

"You're not staying with _Connie_ ?"

He saw her frowning out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry. It was stupid and immature. I won't do something like that again."

What... was happening ? He was so confused by her. By their relationship. Wasn’t she planning to “expose his feelings” or something like that ? Levi had thought she would avoid him and try to make him jealous during the night. But now, she was by his side. He had no idea what she had in mind. Maybe she didn’t know either...

She took his hand.

Like that.

In public.

With the squad around them.

Just... no ! Why ? No ! They’ll say stuff, they...

She released him.

“Sorry... I don’t know what I was thinking, I... shouldn’t have done that. Nobody saw it. But still, I shouldn’t have.”

She wasn’t acting, Levi was sure of that. She was truly confused.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

She looked at him before whispering :

“Is it okay because you know that I like you or because you... like me ?”

Honestly ? Both. Despite the fear of being seen, he had enjoyed it. Their hands fit perfectly. But also, he realized how lost she must have been feeling since that talk. So he had completely forgiven her move.

“Because you like me. I understand you're struggling with your feelings. I won’t be harsh.”

He was. 

"I see... Of course.”

Levi was such an asshole.

He didn’t want to hurt her... but it was for the best. Otherwise he would hurt her even more in the future. He knew he would screw up if they were one day together.

Sasha's voice brought him back to the present :

"Can I stay by your side tonight ?”

Hah ? She wanted to stay with him... ?

Levi would love that. He had been so stressed out thinking she would try to make him jealous by flirting with other people. So knowing that she would stay close to him relieved him.

And maybe they could have fun like before at some point.

The upcoming party didn’t seem so boring suddenly.

“Do what you want Sasha.”

She smiled.

They walked silently together until they had to go in their assigned rooms. Her presence had made things easier and more complicated at the same time. He hoped they will clear this out tonight. He just wanted her to remain by his side... permanently.

Tch. _Just_.

He went to the adjoining bathroom. He had one hour to get prepared. It should be okay.

After this long time of riding, Levi truly enjoyed his bath. It seemed like it had been days, when actually he had taken one the very morning.

He finally relaxed.

By dating Sasha, would he be able to take bathes with her ?

WHAT

A huge feeling of shame and guilt made him tense and blush. Why the hell did he just picture that ?! It was so embarrassing. He knew no one could read his mind, but... he was judging himself. What a pervert. He couldn’t think about her like that !

He put his head in his hands. Still ashamed.

He had never thought of doing this with someone before. But now he could see Sasha in his arms, playing with the water, giving him a hard time to try soaping her. That was so fucked up. His mind had a critical problem and he had to find a solution quickly before going completely insane.

_You can make this thought come true._

Hah ? Which part of him had said that ?! It had to stop ! To die ! Or Levi would become crazy !

He put his hands off his face and took a deep breath. Forgetting this. All of this.

Finally, he got out of the bath. Now, he felt dirtier... Whatever, nothing made sense currently anyway.

He dried himself and neatly dressed up. He had brought his usual clothes : a white shirt and a black suit. When he put his ascot on, he remembered giving it to Sasha. He wasn’t really emotionally attached to it, but he hadn’t even hesitated in entrust it to her. It had even made him happy to do so. This cloth was still something he wore everyday, and therefore, a part of him. Seeing that part in her hands had felt... good. He had felt lighter. This was stupid and illogical. But this had been his perception.

He looked up at the sudden noise of the rain hitting the roof. Again ? What a shitty day. He went back to the bedroom and looked out the window. Yes, a heavy rain.

The memory of Sasha enjoying the rain came back.

Could he just... not think about her for like... five minutes ? This was beginning to be an obsession. Maybe he shouldn't spend so much time with her.

Fuck. He had already tried to avoid her. And he knew now that it had been a really bad idea. So what could he do ? What did he even want to do ? The situation was so unclear right now...

He put his dress shoes on and got out of his room. He stood in the hallway for a while. Where could he go ? The party was beginning in fifteen minutes.

“Levi ! Already dressed up ?”

He turned to his left. Hanji was coming to him.

“You need to clean your glasses : it’s a suit you’re wearing.”

“I wanted to try one ! Don't worry, I have the permission of the Queen herself. I even would say a full validation !”

“Mmh.”

Levi found it good on her. It didn’t look weird. It suited her. But he knew that some shitty people wouldn't think the same and would stupidly criticize her for wearing this. Like if that was any of their business. As long as it wasn’t skimpy, Levi didn’t mind what people were wearing...

He suddenly hoped Sasha wouldn’t wear anything revealing. What had she been wearing last time ?! He couldn’t recall. Something blue... or green ? It hadn't been provocative right ?

_“I’m not the one wearing a sleeveless dress.”_

A sleeveless dress.

“What’s wrong Levi ?”

Hanji’s intervention made him realize he was frowning.

“Nothing. So you saw Historia ?”

“Yes, she was with Mikasa and Sasha. With a lot of dresses. It intrigued me so I joined them ! They’re over there.” Hanji pointed at the door down the hallway.

It opened the moment Levi looked at it. Mikasa came out, wearing a blue dress. It was... the higher part was like... in triangles ? Well there were straps... Whatever, Levi sucked at describing that sort of stuff.

“Mikasa ! You didn’t want to try one of Historia’s dresses ?!”

She looked at them.

“No, Sasha was the one who asked.”

She left coldly.

“Oh Levi, I just remembered : I won the bet !” exclaimed four-eyes.

“The bet ?”

“You know : what color would Historia wear ? I guessed right : white !”

Mmmmh. Levi didn’t care at all. But he had nothing else to do to kill time than this pointless chitchat.

“And what did you win ?”

“... Hum, satisfaction ?”

So pointless. 

Levi knew the door had opened again when he heard a very familiar voice.

“-need to check there. I think the light is not the same !”

Sasha made a few steps without even noticing Hanji and Levi’s presence at the other end of the corridor. She was wearing a black dress, with long lace sleeves. Her hair was up, but not in a ponytail, probably in some sort of bun, he couldn't see. She had curled the free strands. He could see the gold light of a necklace.

She was beautiful. And Levi felt so relieved to see that her dress wasn’t showing any part of her skin. The lace sleeves were dark enough to not be a worry, the neckline was close to her neck and the dress went down to her ankles. It was a little clingy though.

Actually, Mikasa's was way more provocative.

And who was even Levi to judge if Sasha was wearing correct clothes ?

She turned around to face Historia.

...

"Hanji, do you think it's decent to wear such a backless dress ?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Sasha notice Levi staring at her shoulder blades in chapter 5 ? YES


	15. Descent

“How about… avocado with… the cinnamon bread ?!”

Levi looked at her, disgusted. She laughed.

“You can’t stop me trying it !” Sasha exclaimed before grabbing the poor innocent food from the buffet.

“Are you sure about that ?”

She smiled at him. Again. She had spend the last hour with a grin on her face.

“Pretty sure.”

Levi watched her assembling the two ingredients. She seemed so passionate.

“You’re seriously going to eat _that_ ?”

She took a bite while staring at him as an answer.

She was so hilarious that it made Levi a pain to stay impassible.

“Yuf ache chis aies agish !”

“… ‘You have these eyes again’ ?“

She nodded and then swallowed to complete :

“Stop making fun of me !”

“You’re asking for it.”

“No I’m not ! I’m eating !”

“You’re eating shit.”

“WHAT ? IT’S DELICIOUS !”

“I highly doubt that.”

“TASTE IT FIRST !”

She was handing him the weird _breavocado_. No way. Levi wouldn't eat that. Never.

“What ? Don't tell me you scared !” she challenged.

Ohhh… She hadn't dared to say that ?!!!

Levi took the odd mixture. He looked at the mark of bite she had just made. He had never eaten someone else’s food…

Sasha jumped and took another slice of cinnamon bread.

“Don’t.”

She looked at him, surprised. She was even more when she saw Levi tasting the food.

Fuck. This was good. How had she guessed the flavour of it ? It was an unthinkable mix…

“Sooo ?!” she said all excited.

“This is weird. You’re weird.”

She grinned, knowing Levi’s real thoughts.

“Now, what else ?” she declared scanning the buffet.

“You’re gonna make more of these craps ?” Levi cringed.

“Of course ! It’s just the beginning !”

She seemed so happy. Levi couldn’t stop her. And… it was kind of tasty. So he didn't mind eating more.

Sasha suddenly froze. What was happening ? Levi looked around and spotted two women whispering and staring at them. A quick glare was enough to shut their shitty mouth.

When he looked back at Sasha, she was associating cheese and orange.

Levi had first felt nauseous just by the sight, but it turned out it tasted even better than the previous one.

They kept trying weird food like that for… probably too long, when suddenly she felt apart. She looked so depressed, staring into space, a quarter of lemon in her hands.

“What’s wrong ? You’re feeling sick ?” he worried.

She slowly shook her head and put down the lemon.

What the hell was happening to her ? Had someone said some stupidities about her nearby ? Levi scanned the room. No one was staring at them.

“Captain… I think I shouldn’t take more of your time. Sorry for having been so clingy tonight.”

What ? Where that came from ? It was only 10 pm. Had Levi said something he shouldn’t had ?

“Enjoy the rest of the night Captain !” she said before going to the crowd.

Levi was so confused. It felt impossible to enjoy the rest of the night without her now. It was the first time he had taken pleasure in one of these shitty parties.

He watched her walk away. She seemed to be looking for someone. He wanted to catch her up and ask her what was happening. What had he done. Why.

But he hadn’t moved. She was gone. Out of sight.

He turned to look at the piece of lemon. It felt like it has been the triggering factor but… _lemon_ ? What the fuck could it trigger ?

After a moment of confusion, he finally walked to the outside door. He scanned the people talking in the patio. He only recognized Jean and Connie laughing with an other man.

Levi felt really lonely all of a sudden.

He went towards the garden. Maybe he could find a nice place to sit there and watch the stars.

He was still trying to understand Sasha’s change of mood. In vain. He had no clue.

Then, he saw by the window, inside the palace, a brown-haired man hugging a woman in a white dress.

At least, things looked to be working out for some people…

When Levi finally sat, hidden by bushes, he took a deep breath and finally understood.

She had remembered the lemon biscuits he had offered her. After that, she must have thought stupid stuffs like _‘He’s only here because he’s kind’_, ‘_He’s just feeling sorry for me_’, _‘He doesn’t love me’_,_ ‘He told me so’_…

If only Levi could not be Levi. If only he was a normal man she could be with. If only… he wasn’t a coward.

He was just running away. Too scared to say ‘yes’. To confess. To give it a try. Because Levi didn’t love himself, he couldn’t believe that someone else could. That was the ugly truth. He wasn’t lying to protect her. He was lying to protect himself. 

He saw a shooting star.

He wished Sasha wasn’t attached to him.

He could live with an unrequited love. But he couldn’t watch her believing she was.

Maybe he should tell her. Tell her his feelings. That he loved her. But he couldn’t…

She wouldn’t understand.

“I didn’t understand, what did you say ?”

This familiar voice made Levi listen his surroundings. He could hear footsteps. Two or maybe three people.

“She… doesn’t feel that way about me…”

Oh god… Maybe Levi shouldn’t be eavesdropping this conversation.

“Sit here Eren.”

So… the trio was complete. He heard them sitting not far away.

“She didn’t just say that, right ?” wondered Armin.

“No… She said she was flattered and… asked me if there was anything she could do.”

“What did you answer ?” Mikasa questioned.

“If she could… keep the bracelet. She smiled and said she would keep it with pleasure. And she thanked me again for it. After that, there was a weird silence. I must have looked sad because... she hugged me… I couldn’t even…”

Eren burst into tears.

It was heartbreaking. Why had Historia rejected him ? It was so unfair ! The boy was truly in love with her, and he had made huge efforts for her and-

_“You can’t just ask someone to turn around to make things right. People can’t choose their feelings.“_

Damn.

She just… didn’t love him.

He had took all of his courage to confess but it didn’t matter.

Levi heard another person sobbing and leaned to take a look. Armin was holding Eren’s hand and Mikasa was hugging him. In tears. She was the other one crying.

Levi tried to understand how the poor girl was feeling. Anger towards Historia but… mainly sadness for Eren and... maybe relief... guilt for feeling relieved.

The boy would have to let go and move on. Like Armin.

What a cruel world. Life seemed so dark to Levi right now. Misery was all around. True happiness was just a fantasy. Something to keep people alive. Their desperate hope. False hope. Because some idiot divinity was making fun of them. Playing with them. Giving only unrequited love to-

But…

Levi and Sasha loved each other. They both had incredible luck and… Levi was ruining it. He was throwing it away for some stupid… lack of confidence.

He looked back at the trio.

It was an insult. An insult to all of them. To Hanji too. And Jean. To every soul struggling with their whole heart.

Levi got up. He went slowly to his three sorrowful friends. They looked up at him, with tears in all of their eyes. He put his hand on Eren’s head affectionately. 

Then, he silently went back to the patio. He had to tell her. He had to talk to her. Honestly.

He looked inside by the window and saw Sasha.

Dancing with an other man.


	16. I hate you

She was dancing with that man. The one that had been laughing with Jean and Connie earlier.

Levi slowly got closer to the window.

_“When it happens you either choose to fight…”_

Should he… do something ? He had come back here to confess his feelings. He had come to get her and now…

_“… or to move on.”_

… she was dancing with him. They were holding hands, and her free hand was on his shoulder while his was on her back.

He was touching her bare back.

Levi clenched his fists.

He couldn’t let them. He couldn’t just stay here and watch !

_“For the first option, you need to stay brave, keep going and put aside your pride.”_

He went to the door and entered the big room. He could do this. He just had to walk to the dancing area and punch the guy. Levi was dying to anyway.

He took a few steps closer.

Captain or not, he was still a human being. So if he wanted to punch a guy, he would do it ! Fuck appropriate behaviour ! He wouldn’t care what people would think. All he cared about was Sasha !

_“But also to have respect for the loved one. To know the boundaries.”_

What would she think about it though ?

She had chosen to dance with the guy. She didn’t seem to not appreciate it.

That hurt Levi’s heart.

"If you think she’s planning on staying in love with you forever Captain…”

Levi turned around. Connie was staring at him, with Jean by his side.

“… you couldn’t be more wrong.”

He was about to ask what kind of joke it was, but he stopped his mouth open. No more lies. No more bullshit. Levi loved her.

Instead he questioned :

“Should I let her ?”

The two exchanged a look. They seemed they had already discussed about it and it had ended in disagreement.

Jean answered :

“It’s up to you Captain. Isaac is a good person. He wouldn’t hurt her.”

Levi looked at the man in question. He was quite handsome. Way more than him. If she managed to have feelings for that man, maybe it would be for the best.

“But…” Connie intervened. “You have far more chances than him. She keeps talking about you these days.”

He turned around to face the bald.

Really ? She spoke about Levi ?!

“It’s quite annoying actually.” Jean sighed.

Connie suddenly pushed him.

“Hey ! You weren’t the one that had to bare the Captain’s glare during a whole hour ! I thought I was going to die on that horse !”

“Well you just had to refuse her request !”

“I knew she was in love with him, but I didn’t know he was with her dumbhead !”

“Haaah ? Don’t insult me !”

“Oh did I hurt little Jean-Boy’s feelings ?”

“Oi” scolded Levi. “Enough.”

They stopped to stare at him.

He turned back to where was dancing Sasha.

What now ?

The dance ended and she smiled at Isaac.

“Thank you for taking care of her.” Levi declared. “I’ll take over.”

He had taken Sasha’s hand.

She was looking at him confusely. The man too.

Levi took her to the next room. Maybe he was walking a little too fast because he felt she had trouble to keep up.

At the foot of a stairway he stopped and turned around, still holding her hand.

She was staring at him, trying to understand what was going on.

“Should I carry you ?”

Sasha blinked. When she remembered to what he was referring, she smirked.

“Yes.”

Levi took her in his arms like the princess she was.

“Hah ?! Le- What- You’re actually doing it ?! I was joking !”

Levi started to climb the steps. He whispered :

“I missed my chance last time.”

From the corner of his eye, he could see her red face.

“Don’t blush Sasha.”

“B-back at you !”

Fuck. She was right. He could feel his hot cheeks.

When they arrived upstairs, she had rested her head on his shoulder. Damn. She was so cute.

He managed the open a door and made them enter this empty library. It was dark but the large windows let the moonlight illuminate the room.

Then, he finally put her legs down, keeping an arm around her. She made a step to the left and his hand was now on her bare back.

It made him tense.

They exchanged a long and deep look.

“Why did you smile at him ?”

She slightly frowned.

“He was kind. He offered me a dance. I had to thank him.”

“You still didn’t have to smile at him like that.”

She stepped back, breaking the contact.

“Like what ?!”

“Like you were in love with him !!”

“WHAT ?”

She turned and walked in the room, hands grabbing her hair, in disbelief. Then she went back to face him, furious.

“Are you fucking kidding me ?! I’ve told you my feelings ! You know them ! So what the fuck is that _Levi_ ?!”

“Well you ran away from me to go into his arms ! It’s normal that I think you like him !”

“Why do you even care ?! You don’t like me ! It’s none of your business, you should be happy, I’m trying to move on here !”

“I’m not happy !”

“Well guess what ? Me neither ! But I don’t complain to the first one I meet !”

“You fucking don’t get it Sasha ! You’re scaring me !”

“I’m _scaring_ you ?! Why in hell would I scare you ?!”

“Because you were dancing with this dude !”

“And so ??!! How does that affect you ?!”

“It doesn’t affect me ! It fucking kills me ! Because I love you !!”

She froze. They exchanged a long look.

This really wasn't the way he had wanted to confess to her...

Suddenly she broke the eye contact to take one of the many books on the table next to her.

She threw it at Levi.

What the fuck ?

He dodged it easily. But that wasn’t the problem.

She threw an other. And an other. She started to cry at the fifth one.

“Sasha ! Sasha stop ! For fuck’s sake stop it !”

She kept throwing them.

“I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU LEVI !!”

He made a step towards her.

“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING COME ! YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT !”

She took another book and Levi quickly came to stop her before she could throw it too.

“Sasha, I’m sorry…”

He had grabbed her arm, the one holding the book.

She released it.

There was only the sound of the object hitting the floor and the muffled music from downstairs until she murmured :

“You told me you didn’t like me… I refused to believe you at first… And then I finally accepted it… At least I was trying to… And you just… You were just playing with me!”

She pulled her arm away brutally.

“Did you enjoy it ? Was I enough amusing to you ?!”

“Sasha you don’t get it ! I wasn't playing with you, I was scared !”

“You were scared ?! That’s your excuse ?! Don’t you think _I_ was scared ?! Huh ?! I fell in love with my Captain ! Don’t you think that’s fucking scary ?!”

Levi couldn’t speak. He realized he had never tried to put himself in her shoes.

“I even went to cry to Mikasa ! In front of Jean, Connie and Floch !!! They saw me terrified and filled with shame and guilt !”

So that’s why she had red eyes when he came back from downtown Stohess...

“Why do you think I hide the blanket you brought back to my room locked in my closet ?! Why do you think I run away when I hear your footsteps ?! Why do you think I _hunted_ you ?! I wanted to stay by your side but I was so freaking scared you would reject me ! AND YOU DID !!! So how dare you telling me you actually lied ?! Because you were _scared_ ?!”

How… How could Levi possibly fix that ?

He had screwed up, he knew it. He fucking knew it ! Was there a way he could redeem himself ? There must be ! There had to be !

He took something from his pocket.

“I went back in my room to take it before the party… It has your eyes color…”

She stared at the flower. Frowning.

“I’ve always thought I’d die alone Sasha. And I was okay with it. But now… I don’t want to. I want to be with you. I love you.”

He put the flower in her hair. It was bringing out her eyes.

“I’ll make it up to you. Even if it takes the rest of my life. So please, can we… be together ?”

They were exchanging a deep look.

“Yes.”

None of them moved. They remained silent in the middle of the room, illuminated by the moonlight. Suddenly, they jumped into each other’s arms.


	17. First step

“Where are we going ?!”

Levi was terrified but it was the least he could do. She had put her pride away to confess to him today, so he had to.

“You’ll see.”

They were going down the stairs. Holding hands.

“We can… People can know we’re together ? It won’t be an issue ?!” she panicked.

Levi hadn’t even thought about that. Was it against the army rules ?

Hah...

Like if he gave a shit about it.

“If someone opens his shitty mouth, I’ll take care of him.” he assured.

They entered the big room. She released his hand.

Shit.

The whole squad was there. Gathered. Next to the buffet.

Whatever. I didn’t matter. He owed her some self-embarrassement.

Levi turned to Sasha.

“Do you mind if they know ?” he asked.

She blinked and replied :

“You don’t ?”

The answer was obvious.

“Not if you don’t.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek as an answer.

Damn it. If he was already blushing he feared in what state he would be when…

He offered her his hand. Looking away. Too embarrassed to watch her.

“Are you sure ? For _that_ dance ?” she worried.

Fuck, he hadn’t even checked what people were dancing. He turned his head to watch the dancers.

Oh god.

They were dancing so close.

But still…

“I said I’ll make it up to you. It’s a shitty start but…”

He looked at her when she took his hand.

She was smiling at him.

“That will be more than enough.”

As they were walking to join the dancers, Sasha suddenly crushed his hand. Knowing her, he glanced at the squad.

Yep.

They were all staring at them.

When they stopped to face each other Levi whispered :

“Don’t mind them.”

After an hesitation, she nodded.

Honestly, their presence, and mostly their gaze made Levi really uncomfortable. But, he still wanted to do this.

But what was _this_ actually ? He had been telling himself he would figure it out when the time would come but he felt clueless.

Sasha stopped his panic :

“This is very easy to dance. Listen. The tempo is very slow. That’s why it’s called like that. A slow.”

Levi had never heard about it before. 

“It’s just balancing from one side to another and spinning. Very slowly.”

She cautiously put her arms around his neck.

“Now you just have to place your hands on my hips..”

She couldn’t be serious. Her hips ? She was making fun of him for sure.

He looked at the other dancers. Fuck.

“No, I’m not lying.” she chuckled.

“But…” Levi mumbled. “I can’t do that… We should go back.”

She sighed and undid her embrace to take his hands. No. No she wasn’t doing that ! Please Sasha… She held his scared look while she placed his hands on her hips.

Levi never felt that strange. He was so tense and yet… He couldn’t tell. He had hugged her and carried her in the last hour, but this was really different. All he knew was that he was about to tremble. He didn’t know how strong he had to hold her. He chose to settle for just a touch.

Sasha put her hands back behind Levi’s neck.

“Now, we just have to sway back and forth… Like that… And slowly turn on the spot…”

Levi was still a little nervous but the rocking movement calmed him down. This… was nice. It didn’t feel bad. Maybe he could dance actually.

“Just, one more thing…” Sasha said before bitting her lip.

What ? He had a bad feeling about that last part. His fear turned out to be justified when she made a step closer.

“It’s more like this distance.”

Levi’s face was burning. Their bodies were touching. This proximity made him really nervous. Right in front of his eyes were Sasha’s lips. He could feel her breath. He saw her wry smile when he tightened his grip on her.

“Is it.. bad ?” she murmured.

“No… It’s okay… Nice.”

They stared at each other. Keeping the eye contact, Sasha slowly put down her forehead on Levi’s. Their noses were almost touching. Their eyes were so close that they were probably squinting.

“Are they… Is the squad still looking at us ?” whispered Levi.

Without even looking away she answered :

“I can’t-

_-see… I can’t see Levi ! I CAN’T ! I CAN’T SEE !! LEVI!! HELP ME !_

-see.”

Levi felt like his brain wasn’t working anymore. It was already too much to correctly dance so he couldn’t think. But then he glanced at her lips. He wanted to… No...

“Sasha I…”

He wanted to tell her that they had to stop. That it wasn’t right.

He stopped dancing. She stopped too.

“Wait…” Levi managed to pronounce.

She just kept looking at him in the eye. Maybe that was why he couldn’t properly talk. This amber light made him nervous. He tried to break the eye contact but he couldn’t. She was the one who did by slowly closing her eyes.

“Are you scared _Levi_ ?”

Before he knew it he was kissing her. Telling his name had been the final straw. They weren’t a soldier and her Captain. They weren’t scouts. They were just Sasha and Levi.

Despite being his first kiss, what to do came to him naturally.

He closed his eyes and forgot the world around them. He had never felt so alive. Way more than when he had been facing death. And it wasn’t because he was _kissing_ Sasha. It was because he was kissing _Sasha_.

They took a short breath before kissing again. He squeezed her hips. She grabbed his hair. He pulled her even closer.

Levi suddenly knew what his favorite dance was.


	18. Opening night

Levi was dreaming. The same dream he had had only a few nights before.

He was watching himself having fun with Isabel and Farlan from that balcony… Annie’s titan came… He turned around and Sasha was crying and apologizing, her hands covered in blood… She suddenly was on the guardrail and… Levi stopped her. This time he took her in his arms before she could jump.

Then, they kissed. And he found himself alone again. In the main square. Her laugh. He raised his head and saw her dancing with a little girl. Not the same girl… A black-haired girl. Amber eyes.

He woke up.

Wasn’t it… a little too soon to dream of that kind of stuff ? Everything was going at full speed now. In only a few days he had fallen in love with her. In only a few days, his life had turned upside down. Today she had confessed to him. And he had confessed to her. Getting together. Kissing. Having… _Dancing_ the night away.

Maybe everything was happening fast but Levi didn’t mind. At all. He wasn't really the patient type anyway. And he had discovered tonight that Sasha wasn’t either.

He smirked. She really wasn't.

Levi looked at her. His room was quite dark at night but he could still see her. Sleeping. Peaceful. And snoring. He didn’t mind. On the contrary, she had a regular breathing. It was lulling. Probably why he had fallen asleep in record time. Well he had been also tired because of... that _dancing_.

He caressed her cheek. Her skin was so soft. And she was so beautiful. Her scar got his attention. She had injured herself quite seriously at Shiganshina… He stroke softly the scar. A warrior. She would survive everything. She had so much will to live. She loved life.

“Levi…”

He took his eyes off her chest.

“Did I wake you ?”

She smiled. Yes he did. Shit.

“Sorry…”

“It’s okay.”

They stared at each other for a while.

“You really don’t find it… hideous ?” she worried.

Tch. How many times would he have to tell her ?

“Sasha…”

“Yeah sorry, I know you told me but…”

He kissed her scar.

“There. You’re healed.”

She chuckled.

“I know it’s silly but…” she started. “… can I go open the curtains ?”

What ?

Levi blinked.

“Sasha, you’ve faced titans countless of times and you’re scared of the dark ?”

“I’m not _scared_… I just…”

“You’re scared.”

“Yeah I am.”

She was so cute.

Well everyone had their own fears.

Levi got up to open the curtains. The moonlight entered the room and when he turned around he could see its reflection in her eyes.

“Thank you.”

He went back into the bed and kissed her.

Then, he lied down on his back and she went to rest her head on his chest.

“I’m hungry.”

“Holy fuck, we ate like… half the buffet !”

“Yeah, it was fun !”

Levi didn’t respond. It had been fun.

He could feel her smile on his torso. She had understood his silence.

“Should we go get some food ?” he suggested.

“No, I’ll be fine. I want to stay here.”

“… Should _I_ go get some food ?”

“No ! I want _us_ to stay here !”

It was… them before food… That was really something coming from her.

She raised her head to look at him. Or more exactly analyze him.

“What is it ?” he asked.

Suddenly she squinted and stuck her tongue out. What the fuck ? What the actual fuck ?

Levi couldn’t repress a smile. She was so funny.

She went back to a serious expression.

“What was that ?”

She didn’t answer. Instead she grimaced again.

This time, Levi laughed.

“I knew it !” she said proudly. “You have the humor of a child.”

What ? Was she saying he was like a kid ?

“No, I don’t. I just didn’t expect such a face.”

She grinned.

“That’s what a child would say.”

Fuck.

“Okay maybe I have and so ? What does it change ?”

She made another funny face and he smiled.

“Stop it.”

“No, I love your laugh, please laugh again !”

“Just go back to sleep Sasha…”

She sulked and rested her head on his chest again. He took her hand and kissed her fingers.

“I’ll laugh tomorrow.”

“One laugh per day then. Minimum.”

What ? Per _day_ ? Levi wouldn’t be able to laugh that much.

He thought about her funny faces, her food passion, her_ ninja_ poses… Maybe he could actually.

“Fine.”

She fell back asleep quickly. He could tell by her snoring. Levi looked at the window while caressing her back. She was scared of the dark.

_'Just darkness... It’s scary Levi...'_

It wasn’t that surprising. She was a light. His light. 

Sunlight.

Levi had fell asleep again. He wasn’t used to do it so quickly. He looked around him. Sasha wasn’t here anymore. Did she leave him ? Where did she go ? Back to her room ? Was she regretting ? No. It couldn’t be. Maybe she just went to grab some clothes or food…

He got up.

“Awake ?”

The muffled voice had come from the bathroom.

“It took you only 10 seconds to notice my absence.” she pointed out.

Really ? He had woken up because she had left the bed ?

He went close to the bathroom door.

“Are you alright ?” he worried.

“Hum… yeah…”

She didn’t seem to. 

“May I come in ?”

Silence.

What was happening there ? Had she hurt herself ? No, she apparently had just woken up. Then… maybe a girl thing ? Levi didn’t have a clue. What could it be ?

“You can come in.”

These few silent seconds had been enough for him to freak out. But when he entered the room, everything looked normal. She was standing in front of the mirror. 

“You should put some clothes on. You’ll get cold.”

She softly blinked and frowned. A little disconcerted.

“You’re… right. I’m gonna go to my room… get dressed.” she mumbled.

As she went back into the bedroom, Levi looked at the mirror. Nothing was odd.

Did she have a problem with her appearance ? She was beautiful. Messy hair, mascara on her eyelids, maybe a little lovebite on her neck... But she was beautiful. The prettiest.

When he came back to see her, she had already put on her dress and shoes.

“Wait. I’ll go with you.”

He quickly got dressed too and scanned the room.

“I have to make the bed before we go.”

He just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t let it like this. It wasn’t right.

“You know…” she started, smiling. “… yesterday, we did leave the library in a mess. Books all around the floor…”

What ?

No they didn’t.

But… Levi couldn’t recall having picked up the books. They… really had left the room like that ? In this chaotic mess ?

She held his hand and took him to the door. As they went out to the corridor she assured :

“You don’t need to make the bed.”

She closed the door behind them and someone applauded.

“Wow ! Look at those bats Eren !” Hanji shouted.

Of course it was her. Only her dared to tease Levi like this. But now… even Eren was smiling. Fuck.

"Is there a problem ?”

Levi blinked. He hadn’t said that. Sasha had.

Shitty glasses raised an eyebrow.

“Wow, no dear, we don’t ! Everything is perfect. Right Eren ?”

He had puffy eyes. Probably hadn’t slept, surely had cried. Levi felt bad. And he felt even more when he noticed Hanji had her eye the same.

Still, the boy smiled again saying :

“It is. You two look great together."

Levi felt proud and happiness filling his heart. And embarrassement.

"Thanks Eren !" exclaimed Sasha.

She glanced at the impassible Levi and added :

"You made the Captain happy."

Tch.

Not Eren.

_Her_.


	19. Come back

And there was the expected silence.

What ? He was human too. He could be tired. 

Levi had never done that before but... he saw some people do it and he always thought it would feel nice. And it did. Sasha’s shoulder was comfortable. His head fit perfectly.

“So cute !”

Tch. Shut up four-eyes. 

Sasha secretly took his hand. He rubbed her fingers with his thumb.

For how long would they have to wait for Pixis ? It was already midnight.

The squad went back to their previous boring conversation. Something about... the sea and... whatever.

They had talked for maybe ten or fifteen minutes when Jean asked :

“Is the Captain asleep ?”

Well no. The proof is that he's remembering this.

But Levi didn’t reply. He pretended he actually was.

Sasha caressed his hand. She knew. Of course.

“He is.” she lied.

“Soooo...” Hanji started in a disturbing voice. “May we ask a few questions ?”

Seriously ? Let her be !

Levi felt her neck slightly move. Probably a nod because four-eyes resumed :

“Do you have nicknames for each others ?”

Levi squeezed Sasha’s hand strongly. She better not say anything.

“Nicknames ?! No... We never... No.”

Tch. Such a bad liar.

“Interesting...” mumbled Hanji.

Fuck. She surely won’t forget this.

“Are bats really nocturnal ?” she asked.

“Nocturnal ?”

“Glad you raise that Connie. Nocturnal means active at night.”

Ahdeozjfpizjeap

Did she... just asked Sasha if they...

What the...

“Very nocturnal yes.”

Levi dug his fingernail in her palm. For fuck’s sake ! He didn’t want her to talk about their sex life to the squad !

Her hand tensed and she grabbed Levi’s finger in revenge.

Armin spoke :

“I don’t get it.”

* * *

“I don’t get it.” Sasha said.

“Just fucking close your eyes !”

She did it with a smile. She was so beautiful on waking. Levi stroked her hair. Her messy hair down. He wiped a strand from her face. So beautiful. He caressed her cheek. And her lips. He gave her a kiss.

“Mmmh... Was it why you wanted me to close my eyes ?”

“No. Keep them closed.”

He had got distracted. Levi opened the nightstand drawer and took the silk pouch. He pulled out the-

“Bracelet.”

How ? Just by hearing ?!

“You cheated.”

“No I didn’t, I swear ! It made a sound like “cling!” and... Honestly, it was fifty-fifty with a necklace.”

She was unbelievable. A goddess.

“But I don’t know how it looks like !”

Levi tied it tenderly on her wrist. He looked at it for a while. Sasha got impatient and begged him to let her open her eyes.

She gaped when she saw the golden arrow.

“I can change it if you don’t like it.”

“Please don’t. I love it... It’s perfect...”

She hugged him. With tears in her eyes. Tch. Always getting so emotional for nothing. He kissed her neck and whispered :

“Happy birthday princess.”

* * *

“Why are you calling me like that ?”

“You don’t like it ?”

She looked away.

“I do, really, but... I don’t know.”

Levi sighed. He didn’t know why either.

“Why are you calling me... _honey_ ?”

Levi got used to hear it, but saying the word felt strange.

Sasha grinned.

“Because you’re sweet !”

Sweet ? Levi was sweet ?

“Don’t look at me like that ! Yes you are !”

She was the sweet one here...

He kissed her.

“Be careful there.” he worried.

“Don’t worry, everything will go fine !”

* * *

Something had gone wrong. He could feel it.

”Where is she ?”

They all frowned. God. What happened ? What fucking happened to her ?!

Jean pointed at a tent.

Levi was inside in a heartbeat. She was lied down. Unconscious. With a bandage around her head.

He took her hand. She couldn’t leave him. He had told her he didn’t want to die alone.

He took her pulse.

...

Badum. Badum.

He sighed with relief.

“Her head hit a wall.”

Levi turned around. Jean was there.

“Things got way out of control...”

* * *

“She’s under control now. The nurses are taking good care of her. You go to sleep Levi. We’ll tell you if something happens.”

“I’m fine Hanji. I won’t leave her.”

He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.

Hanji frowned and glanced at Armin.

“Do you...” Levi mumbled. “Do you think she’ll wake up ?”

“She will but... Levi... I have to tell you... She might be paralyzed or having trouble to speak or to remember...”

“... I just want her to open her eyes.”

* * *

“Princess, please... open your eyes for me.”

“I-I don’t want to Levi... It breaks my heart when I do...”

“Please, I want to see your amber light, just for a few seconds.”

“There’s no light anymore. Just darkness... It’s scary Levi...”

“I know... I’m sorry I know... Don’t open them.”

"I want to see you... So badly... I miss you."

"But I'm right here. I'm right here Sasha. Feel my hand, listen to my voice."

* * *

“At least listen to them : Olive, Coco, Cassis and Madeleine.”

“No food names.”

“They’re the only ones that come to my mind ! Do _you_ have any ?”

“I have one but... I don’t know if you’ll like it...”

“Tell me !”

“... Jasmine.”

* * *

“Jasmine has your eyes Sasha. Big beautiful amber eyes.”

“Really ?! And her hair ?”

“Yes. And her hair is black. Like mine.”

“She must be so beautiful.”

“The most. Can you hear her breathing ?"

* * *

“I can hear you sweetie !"

"What is she doing ?"

"Climbing the shelves to grab the box of lemon biscuits."

"Again ?! For fuck's sake ! JASMINE IT'S-"

* * *

“- the last time.”

“I still don’t want you to go. There are hundreds of scouts now, they don’t need you."

“They do. I will go. I have to.”

* * *

“Take care of each other. I love you both.”

"We love you too honey."

* * *

“And Levi... One more thing...”

* * *

So... seeing your life flashing in front of you isn't a legendary bullshit.

But Levi is only remembering them. Sasha and Jasmine. What will they become without him ? They are strong. But...

Sasha hates to do the dishes. Specially since her injury. And she needs someone to calm her down when she awakes. She's still panicking.

Jasmine will probably play the piano for her. It's her way to communicate her emotions. She plays it so well. Levi would like to listen to her play one last time. He bought that piano because... she was starting to get interested in drawing and he got scared. It wasn't very ethical but... Sasha would have been so frustrated if her girl's passion was drawing... He still wonder if that was a good choice though...

Levi's legs are inside the titan's mouth now.

So... This is the end huh ? He doesn't have his blades and asking the monster to put him down doesn't seem like it's gonna work.

Will... Sasha manage to do Jasmine's hair every morning ? Levi is the one doing it. He asked her once but she just said she would do something ugly. Stupid. Even if it's ugly the sweetie will be proud of it. She loves her mom so much.

And who will give a dirty look at the people whispering about Sasha ? Telling them they don't have a fucking word to say about how much she eats or how she dances ? She's just enjoying life... She fortunately gave that spirit to the little bat...

_And Levi... One more thing..._

Tears are coming now. But Levi has no regrets. He would rather die here, now, than living for a century without having met Sasha. Without having given life to Jasmine.

He would gladly live in their memories.

_... Come back._

Levi's legs bend. He put his feet on the titan's teeth.

_“So I took the last arrow with one hand and threw the bow away.”_

Levi doesn't need a blade. Like she didn't need a bow.

He rips out a fingernail from the titan hand that has grabbed him. He doesn’t care how gross his new weapon is. It’s his only way out if this. It’s his only way to go home.To go back to them. To Sasha and Jasmine.

The titan freezes for a second with the pain.

Levi stabs the titan’s left eye with the nail. He will fight. He won’t die. He will stay alive. He has to. 

A huge scream comes out of the giant mouth.

He rips out an other nail from the creature and blinds him completely by dugging it in his right eye. Once again _she_’s saving his life. By just telling him her past. Her bravery act. Her words have given him the key of survival.

While the titan releases tension from his hand, Levi takes another fingernail from it. Then, when the ugly thing finally frees him, he uses the 3DMG to land on the back of its neck.

Levi will come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this ! 💜
> 
> This fic is like my baby now !
> 
> And I wouldn't have completed it without mimirexx, seok and szandrawarrior ! Thanks a lot, your comments really made me happy and gave me the confidence I needed !
> 
> I love comments, please drop one 🙏💜


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